


Deathbeds

by Stonewall1862



Series: Fresh Bruises [7]
Category: Bring Me The Horizon, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Long time coming, Luna FTW, M/M, Rape, Recovery, Romance, Weddings, drop dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:07:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 37,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24563590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stonewall1862/pseuds/Stonewall1862
Summary: Things are supposed to be easy now. Kellin has graduated college, he and Vic have internships, and Oli's business has taken off. Oli and he are even buying their first house! But everything seems to unravel when Oli keeps seeing someone from his past who is out to destroy him and everything he has worked to build in his life, and Kellin is left to pick up the pieces and work through putting them both back together.
Relationships: Kellin Quinn/Oliver Sykes, Vic Fuentes/OFC
Series: Fresh Bruises [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1330019
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	Deathbeds

“We’ll take it.”

Kellin glanced quickly at the tall boy next to him. Chocolate scythes of hair framed his gorgeous face, and his bright amber eyes hinted at excitement. “Are you sure? It’s really…big.”

The corner’s of Oli’s lips turned up though and he answered, “I know you loved it, and we can afford it.”

“Did you love it though?” Kellin asked to be sure.

“Yes. The location, the large windows, guest quarters away from us…all of it is exactly what we were looking for. And it’s so nice and quiet here.”

Looking back at the home, Kellin took it in again. It was a very modern build with a flat roof, sprawling into a bit of a hill. The outside was neutral stucco and beige siding. The first floor contained the garage, the bonus room, a wine cellar, and the two guest bedrooms with the laundry and a bathroom. The upper floor being the main floor boasted a beautiful foyer, a great room with a stone fireplace, formal dining room with a nook, a very up to date kitchen with dark cabinets, three bedrooms, a patio and a covered deck. Kellin’s favorite part was for sure the pool. He could imagine summer days teaching Oli to swim, grilling out on the patio, Vic and Rachel or their families over, the sunlight shining through the pine trees that stood sentry to the home.

“Let’s do it,” he said, looking back to his boyfriend.

The realtor just smiled and said, “Alright then. I will have the paperwork to you tomorrow to sign and put an offer in. I’m reasonably confident we should be fine though.”

Oli and she chatted for a few minutes as Kellin continued to look about. Of course Oli loved it. He had never been one for the city, and Kellin couldn’t see him in a little suburb. The image of Oli mowing the lawn shirtless and scaring half the neighbors with his tattoos and motorcycle came to mind, causing Kellin to chuckle to himself.

“What’s so funny?” Oli inquired as they walked back to his motorcycle.

“Nothing,” Kellin simpered. “Just thinking of you scaring the neighbors by mowing the lawn with all your tattoos out.”

“We don’t really have neighbors here to scare,” Oli answered, a bit confused.

“I know. I was just thinking of the suburbs and stuff. I like it here way better. What’s your favorite part?”

“Hmmm,” Oli hummed as he slipped his helmet on. “Probably the master bedroom with those big windows. There’s so much natural light in that whole house.”

“The dogs will love the yard too,” Kellin added.

“Yes. That’s the most important part,” Oli said seriously, mounting the bike and kicking the start. It roared to life, vibrating beneath them. Kellin wrapped his arms around Oli’s torso, the leather jacket flexing easily with him. He loved riding with Oli, even in hot weather such as this. It was only mid morning and already it was well into the 80’s.

Huron Manistee National Forest was beautiful, pines and deciduous trees in full splendor for the middle of summer. With an easy drive to Grand Rapids where they had just purchased an old warehouse to upgrade Drop Dead instead of the studio they had been renting, it was the ideal place to move to. His internship was also there, in that little city. Kellin could easily see Oli thriving in the peaceful scenery, which was why he suggested it.

Back and forth they wound, Kellin’s chest close against Oli’s sun-warmed back, moving with him as he directed the black beast through the city and toward Detroit and their little apartment. Nearly back to their apartment Oli pulled in for gas, and looked to Kellin. “You want anything?” Oli asked, taking out his wallet and gesturing to the convenience store.

Flipping up his visor, Kellin just grinned. “Surprise me.”

Oli gave him a salute and sauntered inside. Kellin watched the pump until it popped up with the cash Oli had put on it, and then put gas in the tank. Once done he waited for Oli, but was surprised when he didn’t come out right away. When he did, his face seemed distracted, though he held a pack of Twizzlers in his hand.

“You alright baby?” Kellin queried, taking a red rope and biting appreciably.

“It’s nothing. Just thought I saw someone I knew. Just my imagination though…” he answered, slipping his wallet back in his pocket, declining Twizzlers and sitting back on his bike.

Kellin was about to ask who it was when Oli kicked the bike to life again, pulling back onto the highway swiftly and heading for home.

By the time they returned home, Oli was himself again, their two dogs very happy to see them.

“But imagine the cookouts with Vic and Rachel, or Jordan and Emma, and I could teach you to swim in that pool…!” Kellin sighed excitedly, switching his shirt to a tank-top since they were going to be mostly outdoors for Vic’s graduation party. His mother was throwing something huge since Vic was the first one with a college degree in their family.

“Is this the new one I brought home for you?” Oli asked, his eyes alight as he fingered the soft black hem, the Drop Dead logo and several skulls with brains oozing out standing out starkly against it.

“Yeah I figured I would show off today,” Kellin answered with a smirk, wagging his hips a little.

“Keep that up and we’ll never make it there to show off,” Oli uttered, having to walk away before it became an issue.

“You should wear one too!” Kellin called after him. Even with the heat, in a crowd it was hard to get Oli to wear short sleeves, let alone sleeveless in case someone saw his scars.

“Alright I’ll wear a shirt,” he sighed, coming back and slipping his usual plaid off. The familiar ink fox stared back as Oli rooted around in the drawer, pulling out one that he rarely wore but was one of Kellin’s favorites. White with a rainbow shake on the front, the colors made Oli’s tattoos stand out and accentuated his tall, lean frame. Even after five years, Oli could still make Kellin swoon at times.

This time they took Kellin’s beat up cougar, Luna sitting in the back with her service vest on, Oli resting his feet on the dash, windows down for a breeze.

“We really should get you a different car,” Oli said, wind whipping through his hair. Thankfully he had tied Kellin’s back so it wouldn’t bother him as he drove.

“Yeah I think my baby is on her last legs,” he sighed, driving the familiar streets back home. “What do you think I should get? I know I won’t be making a ton at my internship.”

“We’ll find you something. What do you like?”

“Something a little sporty, but that’s probably impractical with our winters.”

“Well our house has a four car tandem garage. We could get you a summer and a winter ride.”

Kellin shifted. Ever since Drop Dead had taken off, he knew they had plenty of money, though they continued to live very modestly. Having not grown up with a ton, it sometimes left Kellin uneasy spending it on what he considered frivolous things. He loved buying things for Oli, but disliked buying such expensive things on himself. What if they needed that money some day?

“I’ll need something to drive in the winter anyway,” Oli added, watching out the window.

Kellin continued to digest their changes, deciding to focus on his internship and getting the house before worrying about the cougar.

Cousins, aunts, uncles, family of all kinds milled in and out of Vic’s house, and they ended up parking down the block and walking back in the hot sun.

“Hey there you two are! You’re late!” a familiar female voice greeted as they came in the back gate. Rachel, her hair a harsh shade of red came over, hugging each of them, and then petting Luna.

“We went and looked at another house this morning,” Kellin explained, her short frame pressing to his taller one.

“Oh? And did the glass slipper fit?” she asked, looking to Oli, as he had been the hardest to please when it came to the houses they looked at. Honestly, as far as Kellin was concerned, they could live in a cardboard box and still be happy as long as Oli was with him.

“It did! Check out these pictures I took,” Kellin grinned.

The Fuentes’ backyard was all done up with tents and lights, a slip and slide for the younger children, and plenty of lawn chairs as his huge family visited with one another. Mrs. Fuentes of course did all the food with her sisters. Chips, all sorts of dips, bacon-wrapped jalapeno poppers, and taquitos, paired with different frescas, punches and corona weighed down the tables. Oli even allowed himself a Mexican beer, with Mike, one of Vic’s cousins, showing him how to put the lime in.

“Aren’t you supposed to let me win? It’s my graduation!” Vic laughed as Oli dunked on him again in Kan Jam.

“Not my fault you picked the least coordinated individual in this quartet as your partner,” Oli chuckled, earning another high-five from Rachel, his team-mate.

“Harsh! Harsh baby! See if you get any tonight!” Kellin stuck his tongue out at him, which just made Oli laugh more.

“Keep it PG please!” Vic sighed with exasperation, and whipped the frisbee again. This time Luna grabbed it, running away with it as all four ran after her, trying to get her to drop it. It wasn’t until Rachel offered her a chip in exchange for the frisbee that she dropped it.

“Ok that was interference,” Kellin said breathlessly. “We get an automatic win for that.”

“Yeah right,” Rachel rolled her eyes. “You two are such awful losers.”

It was at that moment that Mrs. Fuentes and her sisters and husband brought out trays of carnitas, warm tortillas, chiles rellenos, and corn salad.

“Instead of a winter car, we should just hire Vic’s mom to cook for us all the time,” Kellin sighed happily, digging into his plate.

“Yeah I missed her almost as much as Vic when I was away for that year. Thank God I transferred back.”

“Amen,” Vic grinned, his eyes alight as he looked at her.

As dinner wound down and cake was being cut to be served, Vic stood up and waved for everyone’s attention, and Kellin did his best to suppress his grin, knowing what was coming, and sharing a look with Oli, who knew as well, the other boy looking determinedly at his plate in order to avoid it. Vic had been planning it for months.

“Hey everyone! Thanks so much for helping me celebrate my graduation with me, and for all your cards and stuff. I’m really excited to start my internship at an accounting firm with my best friend on Monday!” His family cheered, and Kellin smiled, daring to look up at him. As the crowd quieted he continued. “It was a long four years and I couldn’t have made it without you all, but there are some people in particular I want to thank. The first is my parents, who loved and supported and believed in me, knowing I had the brain to get through it, even though they saw me shove crayons up my nose when I was little.” This earned a hearty laugh. “The next is my best friend in the whole world, Kellin, who has always been my partner in crime, and never lets me do stupid things alone. And of course his boyfriend Oliver, who usually ends up bailing us out of the stupid things we get ourselves into. And the person I really need to thank the most is my beautiful chica, Rachel, who has supported me through everything, and even transferred schools after our first year to be closer to me, even though it almost gave her parents a stroke. She is the creamer in my coffee, the sugar on my churro, and everything I could ever hope to want in this world. Which is why I have a very important question for her.”

Kellin watched as the color drained out of her face, and she looked to him, and he could hide his grin no longer. Her jaw dropped. Meanwhile Vic got down on one knee and pulled a small box from his pocket. “Rachel I have loved you for a long time, and I can’t imagine going through this life with anyone else but you. Come be in my heart and my home. Will you marry me?”

Jumping like a rocket, Rachel knocked her chair back, her hands flying over her mouth as she gasped and tried to breathe. “Oh my God! Really?”

“Really…” Vic said, trying his best to remain confident.

“YES! Yes oh my God yes!” she screeched, leaping into Vic’s arms as he held her, twirling her around before she brought his face down to kiss him with passion. The loudest cheer rose up from the family, and Kellin’s face began to hurt as he could not stop smiling and laughing, so happy for two of his best friends. Oli mirrored his feelings, and then slipped an inked hand into his own.

The rest of the evening was filled with people congratulating the couple, aunts and sisters wanting to see the ring, toasting them many times.

“It really is proper stunning,” Oli said, admiring the ring in the twilight as moths bumped against the orange streetlights. It was a rose-gold setting with a leaf and diamond motif, a large singular then in the middle. The couple had slipped away from the party to walk Kellin and Oli to their ride.

“I know. I know there’s a lot to do, but I’m just going to enjoy the rest of the evening,” she sighed happily, looking at it and then Vic again with affection.

“If you need help with anything, you know who to bell,” Oli said affectionately, looking down at her. “And congratulations, again.”

“Yeah man. I knew she’d say yes,” Kellin beamed and grabbed his friend’s shoulder affectionately.

“Yeah I got a little nervous half way through, but love wins out I guess,” he said, looking as though he were still living in a dream.

Kellin just shook his head and bid them goodbye, Oli waving as he folded himself into the passenger side while Luna hopped into the back seat. The ride home was quiet, radio playing good tunes in the background. Once again Oli reached out to Kellin, taking his warm hand in his cool one, despite the hot summer night. Saying nothing he glanced to the hazel eyes, souls passing between them for a few moments, neither wishing to ruin the moment by saying anything aloud. Quietly Kellin thought of how he would propose to Oli eventually. It would have to be almost the opposite of what Vic did. Oli didn’t like being in the limelight like that. Would he use a ring? And if so what kind? And where would he do it? There was no doubt in Kellin’s mind that Oli was who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. They had been through so much together, their bond so strong that nothing could tear it asunder, and he was sure Oli felt the same. When could he do it though? First he needed to get through moving, closing on the house, and finishing his internship. Then he could afford a ring and ask Oli properly.

It was warm thoughts like this that filled his mind, all the ride home and beyond.

“Sure, I can get you some.”

Oli looked up sharply, and regretted it. His back still ached from the beating his father had given him, which he did his best not to think about. Everything made him nauseous nowadays.

“Really?”

The handsome youth looked back, an easy smirk coming to his face. “Yeah, we’re friends aren’t we?”

“Yeah…I can get you money though-“

“I think we can figure out something better,” he said, almost shyly.

“Like…wot?” Oliver asked, confused by his friend’s tone.

“Well, I’ve always fancied you,” he said, reaching for Oliver’s hand. Feeling caught between a rock and a hard place, he let him. If he rebuffed the other boy, he would be unable to get his Ketamine. “And I was hoping that you might like me too. And if you hang with me, I’ll of course provide for you…”

There was no good choice for him. If he said no, that he wasn’t attracted to him in that way, he would dry up, and he would have to find someone else. If he said yes, he hopefully only had to put up with a bit of necking in order to get his vitamin K. Besides, the boy was attractive enough, and his friend. He could certainly do a lot worse.

“Yeah. We can do that.”

“Cheers,” the thin mouth said, and leaned toward his own.

Oli jackknifed off his pillow, every nerve in his body awake and alert. Looking about his little apartment, he took in the quiet emptiness. There were just a few more boxes that Oli would take over today, and then the movers would come for their large furniture the next morning. The sun was just barely coming up, promising to be another blistering July day, but Oli was concerned with the shadows, expecting a face to appear in them at any moment. With several deep breaths he reminded himself that he was safe, the apartment door locked, and he was alone. Well, not totally alone, Luna reminding him as she felt his panic, instantly crawling into his lap, while Oskar only snuggled closer to the other human in the bed: his beautiful boyfriend, Kellin, skin soft and visible after sex the previous night.

Wishing he could go back to that moment he got up instead, unable to go back to sleep, slipping clothes back on as he did so. He grabbed the leashes and tried to shake the uneasy feeling of the dream as he walked the dogs, wishing his brain would just let it go. By the time he returned, Kellin was up as well, brewing tea.

“Nightmare again?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Oli apologized, unleashing the dogs, Oskar immediately spinning and trying to get Luna to chase him.

“Please talk to Dr. Orsbeck about them this week. I’m worried about you. You think it’s just the stress of moving, or something else?” Kellin asked, turning to him after pouring the mugs and wrapping his solid arms around Oli’s waist.

“I’m not sure. I don’t understand why now. Like you think this would have happened years ago when I saw him in Sheffield that one time. But thinking I see him, and having these nightmares…I don’t know why I’m seeing Jona now. I’ve never been happier. Yeah moving is stressful, but it’s not that big of a deal. This is…strange,” he answered, letting his arms loop at Kellin’s shoulders. The other boy had left his shirt off and was just wearing his boxers, temping Oli with his smooth flesh.

“Well maybe she has an answer. I know seeing Jona seems real to you, but there’s no way he would be in the US just randomly stalking you. I mean he still works for the drug cartel. He could be dead for all we know. Maybe your meds just need adjusting,” he said hopefully, and then kissed Oli’s jaw and slid away. “Now what are we having for breakfast.”

“Something beyond cereal, which means I’ll make it,” Oli volunteered, taking out the mix for pancakes. They still had some food stuffs to pack away, but everything else was in boxes, and they ended up eating their breakfast on paper plates.

The day passed quickly, taking the drive up to their new home with most things moved in, and then coming back with just an overnight bag for them and the dogs. Kellin’s mother had even planned a home warming party in a few weeks.

“January first. New Year’s Day,” Oli yawned as he exited the bathroom that evening. “Somehow, it suits them. They’re going to be going nuts getting everything ready though.”

Kellin looked up at him appreciably. “We can help them along the way. I’ll be with Vic every day for the internship so I can help him with that. Knowing Rachel’s family it will be some gaudy monstrosity though. They can be a bit over the top.”

“Hey now. That ‘over-the-top’ness has saved our butts a few times,” Oli teased laying down beside the other boy, and letting his hand tuck back the ebony strands.

“I suppose so. Damn I can’t believe this is our last night here!” Kellin sighed happily. “Tomorrow we will be in our own home, that we own…”

“Christening our new space again,” Oli smirked, leaned down and kissed his boyfriend.

“We should probably unchristen this one as well. I mean, Vic’s already moved out of the other side, and the other students have gone home. No one can hear us…”

“You mean no one can hear _you_ ,” Oli chuckled, but then added. “I like this idea though. Very much.” And with that he leaned down to kiss him again. 

The first thing that Oli registered was that he was warm. Too warm. Usually the air conditioning kicked on and off all night, and with Kellin’s propensity for being a space heater, if Oli got too cold, he would simply steal the other boy’s warmth (and half the blankets with him). Rarely ever, though, did he get too warm. And what was that crackling sound?

Luna sticking her tongue in his ear brought him to wakefulness, and he knew instantly something was wrong. The air was foggy and hurt to breathe. Smoke.

Sitting up quickly he saw the flames coming from the kitchen and down their hall, trapping them in their bedroom. Fear and panic shot through him, and coughing he shoved at Kellin.

“Kellin!” he shouted but the smoke was already becoming too thick. Someone must have called the fire department already, as he heard sirens. Throwing their clothes on, he threw their cell phones into the bag, along with Oskar, who was barking and shaking like a leaf. The flames were beginning to eat at the hallway when he used the nightstand to break the window open, smoke pouring from the room as he did so. With people standing ready below he dropped Oskar and the bag down to them. Slipping Luna’s service vest over her and using the handle, he dropped her to safety as well.

With the window open, the oxygen was being shoved out and the flames were now jumping into the room. Always slow to wake, Kellin began to come to, but not fast enough. Oli saw the flames of the ceiling pouring through, causing it to give way, and leapt to cover his boyfriend’s body with his own. His right arm ended up shielding them from burning ceiling.

“Oli…what the-“ Kellin muttered disoriented, clearly trying to get his brain in gear as Oli threw off the burning pieces. His arm was white hot pain, but the adrenaline in his system helped him to ignore it. Instead he pulled at Kellin toward the window.

“Fire! Get to the window. I got the dogs out! There’s people down there!” The thick smoke made everything very disorienting, but they eventually crawled to the window. By then, firemen in full gear were at the level of the window on the lift from one of their trucks, pulling both boys onto the stand and out the window.

“It’s empty. The rest of the building is empty,” Oli heard Kellin tell them, all the while coughing. When they came to the ground, Oli stumbled out onto the cool grass and sank down to his knees coughing and feeling like he was still on fire. Especially his arm. Pain was flaring in it so badly that he found tears streaking down his cheeks. A cacophony of noises swirled around him but all he could smell was smoke and it was making it head spin. He was going to pass out.

“His service dog! Had anyone seen a white dog?” Kellin called out to the paramedics who were just arriving. Kellin’s hand rested on the small of his back. “Baby are you hurt?” he asked in a lower tone.

Oli nodded, and choked out, “My arm…fook…”

“Ok. I’m going to help you over to the ambulance ok? Let’s get your arm looked at…”

The paramedics drew them over gently to the flashing lights, but Kellin never took his hand off his back, keeping him grounded and steady despite the pain.

They sat there as oxygen masks and shock blankets were wrapped around them, the one woman almost gasping as she saw Oli’s arm. “You need to get this looked at right away. Keep breathing into that and we’ll get you settled in an ambulance.”

As he went to go though, he saw it out of the corner of his eye. Jona. There across the parking lot, but when he blinked, the figure was gone.

Immediately Oli looked to Kellin, pleading silently for him to come. He didn’t want to go alone. Lowering the mask, Kellin said in a raspy voice, “Let me grab Luna and Oskar. I’ll be right back.”

Hiding the little dog in their bag while Luna was immediately accepted with her service status, Kellin sat on the stool by Oli’s head while they began to cut away at his shirt. Kellin’s hands played in his thick chocolate waves all the way to the hospital.

“You know this is the second time I’ve taken this ride with you,” Kellin said, trying to distract Oli as he winced when they touched the burns. Luna had hopped up to lay across his legs to keep him calm.

“I would think this one is a little better than the first,” Oli answered, hissing as something brushed his arm.

“Well you’re at least conscious for this one. You’re still in this damn bed though. Why didn’t you wake me up when you realized everything was on fire?” the other boy frowned down at him.

Oli looked up at him incredulously. “Have you ever tried to wake you up? I might as well have been trying to summon the dead. That’s why you have like, eight alarms…” he broke off into coughing.

Kellin set the mask back at his face. “Just breathe baby. We’re almost there.”

It turned out that 35% of his right arm suffered mostly second degree burns, with some parts embarking into third degree. Kellin sat with him and the dogs, holding his other hand as the nurses thoroughly cleansed it, removing charred skin, and wrapped it with honey bandages and gauze. He was then poked several times. First for an antibiotic, then another for pain. It was while they were going over the cleaning instructions when two policemen in uniforms approached them.

“Mr. Sykes and Mr. Quinn?” The taller one asked, his kind face showing sympathy at Oli’s wrapped arm. Oli didn’t like being half naked in front of them, and pulled Luna a bit closer on his lap. “We’re sorry to interrupt you, but we just wanted to ask you a few questions about what happened tonight so we can rule out a criminal cause for this…”

“Are you suspecting arson?” Oli asked, his voice sounding a bit squeaky from coughing.

“Well we’re not sure yet. We know you two were the only ones in the building. Can you tell us a little of what you remember?”

Kellin gave his short rendition, followed by Oli giving his slightly longer one, his voice beginning to give out toward the end.

“Thank-you both. We’ll let you know if you hear anything.”

Oli frowned as they left. He hadn’t mentioned seeing Jona, unsure if it had been a figment of his imagination. Kellin stepped out to call Vic to come get them as the sun began to rise outside. Oli remained in, contemplating what he saw.

“Vic will be here soon, and he’ll take us home and you can sleep while I handle the insurance company. The pain any better?”

“A little,” Oli muttered.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing. Just…my brain being crazy again,” he shook his head.

“Just spill.”

“I…I thought I saw Jona again. Right afterward. Like he was in the parking lot across the way, and I just…I don’t know why my brain is doing this to me.”

He felt lips on his forehead and a hand through his hair. “We’ll figure it out baby. For now I’m just happy you’re going to be alright, and that we all escaped.”

“Yeah…at least one of us wakes up for the important things,” he sighed, making a bad attempt at a joke.

“At least most of your stuff was moved out of the apartment?” Vic tried to comfort them as he drove them to the new house. Vic had bought a new used car for his internship, the Aries having died the winter past. He now had a pre-owned Jeep, and had been instrumental in helping to move boxes over the past few weeks.

“Yeah at least there’s that,” Kellin sighed from the front seat, and then looked back to check on Oli, curled up with the dogs and resting against the door. “You doing ok baby? We’re almost there.”

“Yeah. At least we bought a new couch. We’ll need to pick out a new bed though…” The pain in his arm seemed to come and go, one moment dull, the next on fire again. Hopefully sleep would help.

“You sure you don’t need anything else?” Vic asked.

“Yeah, thanks for everything again Vic. I’ll see you Monday?” Kellin thanked, leading an exhausted Oli in the door.

“Yeah, I’ll be around. I heard we have a meeting early anyway. Oh joy…”

“Hey just a few more months and we can be out of this internship. Just keep looking forward…”

“Ever the optimist…”

Oli spent much of the rest of the day napping on the couch, crashing from the adrenalin and the pain, Luna curled up on his legs. Kellin woke him up for dinner, the first they ever made in their new house.

“If you’re feeling well enough tomorrow, we should go pick out a new bed. I already sent the insurance company a list of the stuff that was in there, so they should reimburse us for anything we get to replace our old stuff. Maybe we can even get one of those fancy mattresses, or a water bed! That would be fun…hey, your pain level back up?” Kellin asked, jarring Oli from his daze. Looking down he realized he had only been pushing around the tofu in his miso soup.

“It’s alright, I just…” Oli trailed off, thinking of the face in the darkness. It really was starting to worry him.

“Still thinking about Jona?” Kellin asked quietly.

“I’ll talk to Dr. Orsbeck later this week,” Oli confirmed, and then looked down to his miso. Kellin hadn’t done half bad on it this time.

Everything seemed to flow smoothly for a few days. Oli’s arm began to heal, though it was a pain to bathe with, and both he and Kellin maligned the destruction of part of his sleeve of ink. It would certainly scar once healed. Kellin had started his internship and it honestly wasn’t as hard as he thought.

“You taking Luna?” Kellin asked as Oli headed for the doors with his keys. It was hot and sunny out, the late afternoon bringing no relief, but they needed some extra things for dinner.

“Naw it’s just the grocery store. We just need a couple things, so I was going to take the bike.”

“Alright! I’m hungry so hurry up,” Kellin grinned to him as he put more sheets into their linen closet from where they were stuffed in a box. Little by little their house was transforming into a home, and each time Oli returned to it, he could feel his heart glow.

“The knight shall do as his prince bids,” Oli teased as he walked out the door. There had been a drought for most of the summer, and the pine needles from the trees about the house had begun to drop as a result.

The sun was still heating the earth below it when he came to the little convenience store in town, looking for what he needed. It was quiet, barely three people in the whole store on a Thursday evening.

Walking back out into the twilight Oli was almost to his bike when he suddenly felt a hand over his mouth and a sharp pain in his neck. He struggled for a few moments, panic trying to fight through the waves of dizziness until the edges of his vision went dark, and he collapsed.

Kellin stared at the tracker on his phone again. Oli had been in the same spot for nearly an hour now and he was beginning to really worry. He had expected his boyfriend back at least half an hour ago, but he had not arrived. Kellin had texted him a few times, with no reply. No, no. He wasn’t going to panic. It was probably nothing. His phone probably died and the tracker stuck on this. He could have dropped his phone. He could have been stuck in traffic. He could have remembered something and ran back into the store.

Pressing his speed dial as he paced on their deck, his stomach sank as it rang several times, and went to voice mail. Writing a quick note on the table, he put both dogs in their crates and grabbed his keys and wallet, heading out to the cougar. Keeping a lid on his panic, dialed Vic.

“Hey man. What’s up?” the casual voice greeted from the other end.

“Has Oli called or texted you? Like in the last hour?” Kellin asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

“Ummmm…no. Everything ok?”

“I don’t know. He went to go get a couple things for dinner, and his phone had been the same spot for the last hour. He was supposed to be home half an hour ago. What if the pain in his arm got to him? He’s not answering his phone…”

“You on your way there?”

“Yeah, I’m going to go right now.”

“Ok. I’m going to call Rachel, and I’ll keep an eye out for any calls from him. Let me know he’s ok when you get there. I’m sure he’s fine and his phone just died or something.”

“…hope you’re right…” Kellin sighed, trying to let Vic’s reassurances relax him.

So many scenarios ran through his head as he drove into the parking lot, but nothing could have prepared him for the scene he came to. The triumph motorcycle sat under the lamplight, Oli’s drop dead backpack on the ground, his vegetables and some flowers he must have bought for Kellin scattered out onto the dusty ground. There was no sign of Oli.

“Oli! Oliver!” he called, but only the mid summer cicadas and the occasional rumble of a car answered him. Fear gripped him. Something had happened to Oli.

Immediately he called 911, spoke with them for several moments as they sent a patrol car. This time Kellin was unsuccessful in keeping the emotion out of his voice as he called Vic back, waiting for the patrol car.

“Did you hear from him?” Vic asked immediately.

“Someone…someone took him…Vic…his backpack is here, and his phone…and his motorcycle…and…and he had flowers and just…someone took him…” Kellin broke down, crouching down as his body began to shake. He didn’t know what to do. Oli had been kidnapped before, but Kellin had watched it happen, knew exactly where he went. This, though, was far worse.

The police man and his young deputy were very kind, trying to get the exact events of that evening out, as Kellin tried to tell them through the sobs.

“Do you have anyone to come get you? You shouldn’t drive right now,” the deputy guided him away as the man began to set up crime scene tape.

“My…my friend Vic.”

“Ok, and he’s on his way?”

Kellin nodded, more of a jerking motion with his tremors.

“Does Oliver have any family?” she asked kindly.

“His…his mother and brother. Tom. They should know. I need to call them.”

“Don’t worry Mr. Quinn. We’ll take care of that. We’re going to go talk to the clerk in the store, and see if we can find any witnesses. We’ll contact his next of kin for you. We’ll also put a hit out on our patrols across the state. If there anyone you can think of who would have done this? Did Oliver have any enemies or anyone who didn’t like him?”

Kellin wasn’t quite sure why he said it, given the extensive list of people who would love to see Oli dead, but, “Jona. Jona Weinhofen. It’s his ex. Oli thought he saw him the other day, even though he lives in England.”

“Alright. I’m going to have you step over here and describe him for us…”

Vic came shortly afterward with Rachel. She drove Kellin’s care home, following Vic back to their home in the woods. Kellin was nearly silent the whole way, completely numb inside. He hadn’t felt this awful since he had watched Oli nearly die after killing his dad. Vic would ask him questions now and again, but Kellin was too shaken to give more than one word answers. Where on earth could someone have taken Oli? Had he really been seeing Jona this whole time? And how exactly did he incapacitate the other man? Oli wasn’t exactly a pushover, but Kellin hadn’t seen any blood on the pavement.

“Kellin, I called your mom. She’s driving down with Tom right now to stay with you,” Vic explained slowly, sitting next to Kellin on the setae in front of the huge windows of their bedroom. “You shouldn’t be alone,” he added. “I’ll let the guys in the office know what’s happening. Do you want me to call Jordan too? Kellin?”

Silent tears began to slip from Kellin’s eyes again as he finally looked at his friend’s crestfallen face. His voice barely a whisper, he asked, “What if they never find him? What if…what if I have to go through everything without him. I can’t Vic… I can’t…” Finally he broke down, weeping pathetically as Vic drew him into a hug, holding him.

“We’ll find him man. Oli is really smart, and resourceful, and I bet he’s already doing his best to get back to you. Hey…hey…look at me.”

Calming for but a moment, Kellin looked to his friend, his determined face blurred by tears. “I’m seen a lot of couples go through some shit, but no one gets through this shit like you and Oli. If a moving ship didn’t stop him from getting to you, and a drug lord didn’t stop you from getting to him, what makes you think that anything, even this can keep you two apart. You guys are the most crazily devoted I’ve ever seen two people be, and I don’t think even God himself could come down and keep Oli from getting back to you. Ok? Hang tough, and we will find him.”

Kellin nodded, letting the words soak into him, Vic drawing him in to hold him again as Kellin resumed crying. He had to hold on. He couldn’t give up. Because a world without Oli in it, was just one that he never wanted to think about. 

Hot. It was humid and hot. And he was very nauseous. Those were the first sensations he felt as Oli came to, his right arm turned behind him and aching something awful. The room he was in was dusty, obviously an older attic in an older home, likely with no air conditioning. Trying to move his arms, he found them stuck, tied expertly to the support beam behind him. There would be no moving his right arm into a more comfortable position. Over several minutes he tried to gather his thoughts, doing his best to avoid panicking as it would only make things worse. There were some boxes, and what looked like a newer suitcase across the way, but Oli could not place any of it in his memories. He tried to listen, and only heard the distant sound of a mower and the occasional car passing. An old neighborhood outside of Detroit? Who knew? He sure as hell didn’t. They could be halfway across the country for all he knew. He didn’t know how much time had passed.

Moments melted away, the sun leaving the window and casting him in shadow. Finally he heard boots on the stairs, and immediately tensed.

“You know, you’re a hard guy to get alone,” a familiar voice said, and Oli’s eyes widened.

Jona stood before him, dressed in jeans and his usual shirt and jacket, blending in while still remaining handsome. Saying nothing, Oli tried to bring his breathing under control.

“Between your dog and your new boyfriend, someone or something is always with you. Like you can’t be alone. It’s kind of pathetic, considering how alone we both know you are.”

“What the fuck do you want Jona?” Oli whispered, watching as the other man crouched in front of him. The other man looked at him curiously, like a spider watching a fly trying to escape its web. There was something in his dark eyes that belied madness, and Oli could feel himself start to tremble.

“I want what I’ve always wanted, which is you. I was disappointed when I thought you’d died, but then a few years ago you just turned up, out of nowhere. And of course you thought you were clean, which is rather laughable. Your little boyfriend seemed quite intent to guard you too. He has a nasty right hook. He thinks he knows you too. Thinks he knows what you’re like inside. Like he knows what you need. But you and I know that’s not true. We grew up together, and I know you like I know myself. You may think you don’t, but you’ll always need the drugs, just like you’ll always need me.” As he said this, he rustled around in one of the boxes, and Oli could hear the faint chink of glass bottles. “Here we are…” he said to himself, grabbing a familiar looking vial and a syringe. Instantly Oli felt as though he might vomit.

“I don’t need them any more Jona,” he said solidly, desperation creeping into his voice. “I don’t want them. And making me take them won’t make me want you.”

Jona’s face fell to a frown, and he lit a cigarette. “So you think you don’t need me anymore? That you’re to good for me? You’re wrong, and I’m going to prove it to you.”

“No! Jona don’t-!” but it was too late. Despite his efforts to escape and wiggle from the rope, Jona grabbed him by the throat, shoving his head back against the wooden beam as he jammed the needle into his arm, Oli kicking at him the entire time.

Jona backhanded him across the face as Oli nailed a particularly good kick to his thigh. Panting and trying not to get sick, Oli felt Jona grab his hair in a strong fist. “That wasn’t very nice,” he growled in Oli’s ear, then released him roughly. The numbing feeling, the detachment began to kick in as Oli felt tears slip down his cheek. He knew there was no escaping the feeling though, as the man before him, the room, the drugs in his system lost all meaning and he slipped away.

In and out. Up and down. He dropped down into the K-hole again and again until he couldn’t stand to be aware of himself because there was so much pain in being alive. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, only that he had been dosed several times, and it was wearing off faster and faster. Now he was low again, feeling sick, his shoulders aching, doing his best to loosen the cords around his wrist little by little. The sun shone through the dust drifting in the air, and he figured it must be sunset or thereabouts. Boots on the steps made him flinch, fear swirling in his gut. Oh how he wanted this to end! Why hadn’t Kellin or anyone found him yet?

“You feeling down, love? Mattie left me with plenty. You know, I’ll give you another dose if you do something for me.”

“Fuck you,” Oli hissed, no matter how desperately he wanted that sweet release, the gift of feeling nothing.

This was not the correct answer as Jona leered at him. “How are you still resisting?! I’ve been doing this for three days!”

“Because I told you! I don’t fucking want them anymore and I sure as hell don’t want you. And when Kellin finds you, you’re so dead! Now piss off!” Oli spat at him, though his mouth was dryer than a desert.

“That’s it. I’m done waiting. You’ll be mine, whether you want it or not!” Jona roared. His heavy body was suddenly on top of Oli, pinning him. Kisses were forced upon him, but when he bit the other’s tongue he was hit for his trouble, but still he resisted. Kicking and yelling he felt a hand at his waist, tugging at his jeans.

“No! Get off! GET OFF!” he screamed, his voice quickly becoming hoarse with effort. Black dread curled in him as he realized fully that he couldn’t stop what was coming. His father had taught him pain, all those years ago, but it was never like this. This was shameful and violated him to his core. Every touch, every thrust was a poison, a nightmare he could not escape from.

When Jona finished he left Oli bleeding and wrecked, quietly crying as he cleaned himself up.

“You’re so pathetic. You could have enjoyed it, but instead you fought like that little bitch still owned you. When will you get it through your head that no one will ever take care of you like I can, least of all, him. But at least you were warm. For that you can get a little reward.”

A prick to his arm, and soon the room held no meaning again, and he was floating.

When he came to again it was dark, and everything hurt. He had somehow slipped sideways and his neck was stiff as he raised it. As he sat up he hissed, everything so painful especially where Jona had…no. He couldn’t think of that. Head still light and floating as he slowly came back to earth, he realized that in the act of violating him, the cords around his wrists had loosened, and he pulled experimentally at them.

Still swimming, trying to organize his thoughts, he almost missed the sound of the heavy feet on the stairs again, and Jona came up, cigarette hanging from his mouth. “Where the fuck did I put my lighter…” he grumbled. In the dim light he noticed Oli awake, and a predatory grin settled on his face. “You coming out? Guess you’re up for round two then…” Finding the lighter on the table, Jona lit the cigarette and started towards him, hitching his pants lazily.

Oli kept perfectly still until Jona was close enough, his guard down. Suddenly, he swung his arms and boxed Jona’s ears, creating confusion and disorienting the other man. Adrenaline shot through him as he kicked Jona away, weak from dehydration. In a lucky streak, the man stumbled, tried to brace himself and railed his head on the support beam instead, knocking him out cold. The unlucky portion was the cigarette, which rolled away to the insulation, quickly setting it on fire.

Registering what the fire meant in his drug slowed mind, Oli patted the other man until he found his cell phone. By then the entire wall of insulation was engulphed. On shaking legs he tripped down the stairs, down and down, dizzy and sick until he came to the first floor. Out the door and running. It was a row of houses in towards the city, overgrown with weeds and oozing neglect. Running. All the shadows trying to catch him. Running until his legs could support him no more. Rain began to patter down softly as he collapsed into an alley, sliding down the ugly brick wall. He still didn’t feel safe as he hid, but with trembling hands he took out the phone and dialed the only number he could remember.

“Hun, why don’t you come to the table and try to eat this. Just a little bit. That’s all I ask,” a feminine voice broke into his haze, and Kellin looked back to see his mother standing in the doorway. She had driven down as soon as she had heard, and had stayed the last three days with Kellin, doing everything to try and get him to eat, sleep and take care of himself. But it was in vain.

Since Oli’s disappearance, Kellin had no appetite, no thirst, and no desire to do much beyond dwell on the missing boy. When he rested, it was on the couch with the dogs, not in their bed where he could feel the empty side so blatantly. When he ate, it was a few bites before it turned to ash in his mouth. When Oli left, he had taken Kellin’s will with him.

“No thanks. I’m not hungry,” he said in a bare whisper, and then looked down to his silent cell phone. It had been livelier earlier when he had talked with Jordan. Being Oli’s personal assistant and good friend, Jordan was nearly as much of a wreck as Kellin, but had the added responsibility of trying to control the media, who had noticed that someone of importance had disappeared. Drop Dead had become successful enough that people knew Oli’s name, and would know if something happened.

“Hun, you need to eat something. You need to be strong enough to help him when they find him…”

“If…”

“If what?”

“If they find him.” He looked back to her, and said in a dull tone, “After the first 48 hours, chances of finding someone dwindle. You know they might never…I might never…” Kellin couldn’t finish as silent tears slipped down.

“Oh hun. They will find him. Oli wouldn’t let himself be separated from you for too long. He loves you too much for that,” she reassured, setting a tray with some macaroni and cheese in a bowl on his lap. “Now please take a few bites. I’m going to go get a shower and some sleep.” She kissed his temple and padded quietly to the other side of the house, where the guest bathroom was.

Kellin managed two bites before he found himself stirring it absently. At least it tasted better than what Ms. Sykes had tried to make for them the first day. Originally Tom had brought her with him to stay at the house as well with him, but Ms. Sykes was so wound and frantic, that Kellin couldn’t stand it anymore, as it only fed into his own. Realizing this, Tom had gotten them a hotel close by to wait for further news, helping the police as they could with questions and the like.

Vic and Rachel had visited frequently as well, bringing Kellin meals (which sat untouched) and keeping him appraised of what the media was saying. Sometimes Rachel would just sit and hold his hand in the quiet, while Vic kept him company on the other side. He’d even been good enough to turn in Kellin’s resignation to his internship, unable to make himself go. Since Oli had gone, all of time seemed to stop for him. His mother, Vic, Tom, things moved on for them, but not for Kellin. His entire world had stopped with the other boy’s disappearance. He was shattered, and without Oli, was sure he would never be put back together again.

His phone buzzed. An unfamiliar number, but ringing this late in the evening was strange. He stared at it for a moment, the cold numbers brightly jingling at him. Swiping the answer icon, he lifted it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Kellin?” Oli’s voice sounded on the other end, and Kellin stood immediately, his dinner tumbling unceremoniously to the floor.

“OLI! Oli, where are you?!” he shouted, legs automatically taking him to the front hall for his keys and wallet.

“I don’t…I don’t know. Grand Rapids? I think?”

“What’s around you? Describe it to me,” He commanded, trying to keep his voice steady as he passed his mother in the shower. Nothing mattered except getting to Oli. Hopping into the cougar, he raced from the driveway, speeding down towards the city, going well over the speed limit.

“Um…buildings…falling apart…and….” He muttered the name of a fried chicken joint and Kellin punched it into his phone. Thank God it wasn’t a chain.

“Ok baby, I’m coming. GPS says twenty minutes, but you keep talking to me. Are you hurt?” The line was quiet for a moment, except for sniffles and quiet weeping on the other end. “Oli?”

“Yeah…I…it hurts. Everything hurts. Fuck.”

“What hurts the most?”

“My arm? My back…my…it just hurts…I’m gonna vomit…” At the sound of Oli being sick on the other end, Kellin unconsciously pressed the gas pedal down more, chattering the whole drive.

Parking across from the restaurant, its bright neon promising delicious chicken at great prices, though there were bars on the windows, Kellin looked about wildly, trying to follow Oli’s jumbled directions until he came to an alley. There, sitting against the brick next to a dumpster, unable to move away from his own puddle of sick, was Oliver Sykes.

“OLI!” Kellin yelled, the other’s eyes slow to find him in the streetlight. Swiftly he flew to him, careful to avoid the puddle and mindful of any injuries.

“Kell-in,” Oli sobbed brokenly, shaking and hanging on for dear life.

Quickly checking him over, Kellin took in the bruised cheek and pale visage. He didn’t see any stab wounds, and there was no blood, but his wrists were raw and his eyes couldn’t seem to quite focus on him. “I’m here, baby, I’m here,” Kellin shushed him, Oli shaking so hard that Kellin was sure his bones might rattle right out of him. “I’ve got the car. I’m going to lift you and get you to the hospital.”

“H-home…I want to g-go home…” he cried.

“I know you do, and we will, but we need to get you checked out,” he answered, wrapping an arm around Oli’s knees and then his shoulders to lift him. On sheer adrenaline and nerves Kellin carried him, the other boy still sobbing softly, moaning at the change in position. With effort he arranged Oli’s long limbs inside, and then jumped into the driver’s seat beside him.

After setting the GPS for the nearest hospital, Kellin held Oli’s hand, glancing to him as he watched the other shake, hair damp from the rain. Hazel eyes watched him expecting the questions Kellin so desperately wanted to ask.

“Where have you been?” he asked gently.

“He took me. I didn’t even see him coming. And I was in some attic, and I couldn’t get out till he…” Oli’s sobs renewed, and he clutched at Kellin’s hand.

“Who? Who was it?”

The other boy was quiet for a moment, trying to get his crying back under control, but Kellin waited patiently, trying to follow the signs for the hospital, directing them to the emergency room.

“Jona…it was Jona…” he choked out, and a shiver went down Kellin’s spine. Why? Why would he take Oli like that?

Throwing the car in park as he came to the entrance, Kellin carried him inside, only to have Oli nearly crawl onto his shoulders as various people came at them to assist him all at once.

“Slow! Go slow with him please. He’s been through a lot. He’s been missing for almost four days!” Kellin cautioned them, the nurses immediately slowing, especially seeing how scared Oli was. One of them even recognized him from the news.

“That’s the fashion designer they thought was kidnapped. Someone get the police and I’ll get a doctor. Let’s get him a more private room here,” she said, guiding them to a single room in the ER.

“Sir did you want to wait for your friend in the waiting-“ one began to ask.

“No!” Oli cut her off, grabbing Kellin’s wrist in a death grip.

“I need to stay. Please,” Kellin stated, trying to express the importance of it.

“Ok,” the nurse nodded, looking at Oli’s fearful eyes. “I’m going to get a PA and we can start looking you over. You just hang tight dear.”

Oli sat on the edge of the bed, sheer terror seeming to be all that was holding him up at this point. Reaching up with his free hand to smooth back the chocolate locks, damp and greasy, Oli shied away, and then looked down, ashamed. That wasn’t good. Had he been struck on the head? Instead, Kellin pulled his cell phone out, remembering that he had left the house with his mother in the shower and she would likely be frantic to come out and have Kellin disappear like that. Sure enough there were several texts and missed calls from her, but it wasn’t her he called. He needed someone more central.

“Hey man,” Vic’s voice greeted sleepily from the other end. “What’s up?”

“I found him. I need you to call everyone. I’m at the hospital with him now.”

“What!? How? Is he ok? Scratch that- is he alive?”

Glancing to the form shaking like a leaf, seeming to stare off at nothing, Kellin answered, “He’s alive, and he’ll make it, but he’s in rough shape. I gotta go. Can you call everyone?”

“I’m on it man. Give him my best.”

“Thanks,” Kellin whispered and ended the call. The next call he knew he had to make was easier, as he simply left a message on Dr. Orsbeck’s answering service, hoping she would be able to get in right away. How many times had he interrupted that poor woman’s life now?

“Oliver Sykes?” another young woman in a white coat came in. “I’m Dr. Chang, and I wanted to ask you a few questions while we’re getting set up here to get you comfortable. Is that alright?”

Oli’s unfocused hazel eyes checked with Kellin before nodding.

“These are private questions. Do you want your friend to stay here?” Another nod. “Word is that you were kidnapped. Is that true?” A nod. “Did this person give you any food or water?”

“W-water, sometimes, I think. I can’t…remember proper…everything is all f-fucked up…”

“Did this person give you anything else? Drugs?” she asked, shining a light in his eyes.

Kellin’s heart stuttered as Oli nodded. “K-ketamine…” he muttered brokenly.

“Ok,” she answered, as if they were discussing the weather. “I’m going to touch you and see if you’re hurt anywhere else alright? If you feel uncomfortable at any time you let me know and I’ll stop. Do you want to hold your friend’s hand?” A nod.

Oli shut his eyes and gripped Kellin’s hand as she inspected his bruise on his cheek, and then felt down his neck, where she found a burn mark from a taser. She had him slip out of his shirt as she inspected his burned arm, which thankfully did not look too awful, given the lack of bathing and cleaning over the past few days.

“Ok, I’m going to give you a little break, so I can grab some vials and pull some blood and get you a gown, and an IV. I’m sure you’re rather cold, especially after being out in the rain like that,” she explained. Disappearing for a moment, she came back with a single nurse and supplies. “This is Amita. She is going to help me with this part.”

Letting go of Kellin briefly, Oli allowed the women to help put his gown on. He made a small sound in his throat when they went for his pants, so Dr. Chang paused and switched back to pulling blood and setting up a catheter, this time in Oli’s left arm.

“You must have a very high pain tolerance with so many tattoos,” she said conversationally as she taped the catheter in. Hooking the extension cord in, she set the pump. “Ok, Oliver, I need to examine the rest of you. Do you think you can get your pants off by yourself or do you need help? Do you want your friend to help you and I can leave the room?” Slow to understand in his dazed state, Oli eventually assented, and the doctor stepped out.

Holding his boyfriend up, Kellin allowed him to do the majority of the work of getting the pants off, before helping him sit back on the bed, noticing the other man wince as he did so. Jona must have beaten him badly, but Kellin hadn’t seen too many bruises.

“You can lay on your side and face your friend,” Dr. Chang guided as she re-entered, shutting the door behind her for privacy. Oli did as he was told, gripping at Kellin’s hand, eye flicking about restlessly. Dr. Chang sat on a stool on the other side, and Kellin was amazed at her ability to school her expression when she hitched the gown up to reveal bruises on Oli’s thighs. No wonder he had winced. But then she went a bit higher, and her eyes widened slightly. “Oliver I’m going to touch you again. You can tell me to stop at any time, and I will.” After a few moments of gentle examination she stood and removed her gloves and pressed the call nurse button. Instantly Amita poked her head in the door, and Dr. Chang uttered those fateful words, “Would you please get me a rape kit?”

Raped. Oli had been raped by Jona. Kellin felt the tips of his fingers and toes go numb. Everything in him seemed to lock up, and the tears he had been trying to hold back slipped over. Trembling brought him back to reality and he realized Oli was crying as well, shifting his knees so that he curled tighter around himself.

“Oli, did he touch you…like that?” Kellin whispered.

Slipping his hand from Kellin’s Oli began to cry in earnest again, covering his face. “M’sorry…m’sorry…I didn’t want it…I swear I didn’t…I told him no…”

“Oh baby, I know you didn’t want it,” Kellin soothed, bringing the hand back into his own and wiping at some of the tears. “None of this is your fault. None of it.”

After going through the rape kit, Dr. Chang then went through and photographed the evidence with Oli’s permission. Disappearing for a few moments, Dr. Chang came back with papers in hand. “Oliver does have ketamine in his system, so we’re going to move him to a more comfortable room to detox. The police are going to want to talk to both him and you, but I’m going to stipulate that it be after the Ketamine is out of his system. His kidney values are elevated, which could be the ketamine or the dehydration, but I want to rerun those in 48 hours when he’s better hydrated. We need to make sure there’s no permanent damage there. Would you be opposed to staying with him? He really should be with someone he knows and trusts while he’s recovering from this.”

“Yeah. There’s no way I’m going anywhere,” Kellin affirmed.

“He’s going to be disoriented, and he may act strangely, especially given what happened to him while he was high. Just be supportive.”

“Of course.”

“I’m also going to ask the staff to only have one nurse and one PA look after him. This will keep the amount of trauma and faces down at this point.”

By the time they moved Oli to a quieter room, his mother and others had arrived, and he took a brief moment with them while Dr. Orsbeck went in with Oli. His mother had even remembered to bring Luna. Ms. Sykes was already a mess when she arrived, though Kellin didn’t blame her, and was sure he didn’t look much better.

Vic immediately enveloped him in a hug, and Kellin could feel himself beginning to cry again, having done his best to hold it in while with his boyfriend.

“What did the doctor say? Is he ok? How bad is he hurt?” Tom asked urgently, his adam’s apple bobbing as he tried to keep everything together as well.

“It was Jona…Jona took him. He gave him ketamine and…” Kellin choked on the words unable to get them out.

“…and what?” Tom pushed.

“Jona raped him,” Kellin answered, his voice cracking with emotion. Immediately Ms. Sykes began bawling and Tom’s face fell. Rachel’s hands flew up to her open mouth as she gasped and his mother looked horrified.

“Fuck…FUCK!” Vic yelled and kicked at one of the chairs in the hallway, Rachel grabbing his arm to calm him. Angry tears tracked down his face.

“Babe, that’s not gonna help.”

“But it’s just…after all he’s been through…it’s so…ugh!!!!” Vic clenched and unclenched his hand, but Kellin had no words to calm him.

At that moment, Dr. Orsbeck came out and a nurse went in, shutting the door behind her. “I can’t help but agree with you Vic,” she said quietly, her hair flat and her face more tired than Kellin had ever seen it. “This is devastating to say the least.”

“How do we help him? How do I get him past this?” Kellin immediately asked, and Dr. Orsbeck surveyed them for a moment before explaining her game plan.

“This is all Oli’s inner circle yes?”

“Just Jordan is missing. That’s Oli’s personal assistant, but I can call him later,” Tom offered.

“Alright. The best thing you can do for him is honestly be there for him. Listen if he wants to talk, but don’t press him. Don’t let him isolate and blame himself. Victims who know their assailants tend to blame themselves. I suspect he will try to withdraw. Don’t leave him alone, even when he showers. No sudden movements. No surprises. No loud noises. Don’t touch him unless you ask him first. Make sure he’s eating and caring for himself. He can do normal things still, but he may develop some phobias, but we’ll cross that road when we get to it. Watch for any inappropriate behavior, and if you get stuck, just call me,” she paused, making eye contact with each of them. “This is going to be a very long road, and he may never fully recover. But Oli has a very good support system in you, so I have faith that he will eventually be able to get back to some level of normality,” she finished, and then addressed Kellin directly, and spoke in a hushed tone.

“Caring for a rape victim can be difficult. If you find yourself breaking down and becoming fatigued, let me know and I will set up some sessions for you with a colleague of mine who specializes in caretaker fatigue. You’re his best hope of getting over this, but you need to care for yourself as well. Alright?” Kellin agreed. She turned back to the rest of the group. “Oli is still detoxing, and should really only have Kellin and Luna with him at the moment. I know it’s really hard to ask of the rest of you, especially when you came all the way here, but I would like for you to hold off seeing him for a bit longer. I’m sure Kellin will keep you updated if anything changes.”

Ms. Sykes cried but agreed, her and Tom having experienced it earlier in Oli’s life when he went into rehab. Vic and Rachel hugged Kellin and wished him their tearful best, and his mother kissed his forehead wetly, and held out Luna’s leash.

When he returned to the little room, Oli was pale and clammy, unable to control his shaking and instantly sought out his hand. Kellin held it, and Luna hopped onto the bed to lay across Oli’s feet to keep him still.

“Hey baby,” Kellin greeted softly, pulling a chair close. He wanted to hold Oli close, comfort him, but like Dr. Orsbeck had suggested, he might not appreciate it.

“Hurts…” Oli croaked, looking up to his boyfriend, body so tense Kellin thought it might snap.

“What hurts baby?”

“Everything…my stomach…m-my hips…I don’t want to feel this…” he shifted fitfully, disturbing Luna.

“I know. But we’re going to get through it,” Kellin reassured.

“No…no…it hurts to much. I don’t want to feel this. Please…please…I need more ketamine…just a little…”

If there was a world record for amount of times a heart could shatter in a few hours, Kellin was fairly sure he would win. He had seen Oli down, but never like this. He had never seen him high on the drugs he’d talked about, and never low on them either. This was not his boyfriend. This was a pathetic husk of a human who could not fathom a life beyond the high, and was unable to handle the lows.

When Kellin didn’t answer, Oli became more desperate. “Please…I’ll do anything…I trust you…I just…I can’t do this.”

“You can and you will, Oli. I know it hurts right now, but you’ve made it so long without them before. You don’t need it. You will come through this.”

“I love you…please…if you love me…please…”

“It’s exactly because I love you that I’m saying no. I don’t have any anyway. If you’re hurting I can ask the nurse for something, but they’re trying to get you to detox right now. You will get through this. We will get through this.”

Realizing that Kellin would not give him the drugs he wanted so badly, Oli’s countenance dissolved back to sobs, holding his aching stomach, wailing into his pillow.

The following 72 hours were some of the ugliest in Kellin’s life. The nurse and PA came by frequently enough to monitor Oli’s heart rate and breathing, and stayed with him when Kellin needed to use the bathroom or get something to eat or drink. The PA was nice enough to explain that while Oli seemed quite bad off, she had seen patients on Ketamine for a long time try to detox, and it was much worse. In his head, Kellin knew she meant well, but in all honesty he could not imagine it being any worse that what he dealt with. 

Oli vacillated between sobbing, zoning out, and sullen rage. For the first one he allowed Kellin to hold his hand, or rest his hand on the back of his neck to hold him steady, quietly complaining about the pain or how uncomfortable he felt. He would also cry as he woke from his short cat naps, terrified from the nightmares induced by the withdrawal. For these Kellin would sing softly until he calmed enough to once again voice how much pain he was in and how uncomfortable he was. The zoning out was the trickiest to deal with, as sometimes Oli would see and talk to things that weren’t there, and become agitated by these phantoms that did not exist. These Kellin had to patiently wait out, both he and Luna doing their best to keep Oli from hurting himself. The rage caught him the most off guard. Oli was not a particularly angry person, but he would turn away from Kellin and silently seethe sometimes when he asked for more drugs and Kellin denied him. 

Through everything Kellin stayed by his side, sleeping in a little cot the nurses had brought in for him. His mother had come by with snacks, a few changes of clothes, Luna’s supplies, and the charging cable for his phone.

“Do you need a break? I can sit with him for a few hours before I have to drive back for my shift hun,” she had asked, worriedly watching him. He was sure he couldn’t have looked all that great.

“No, it needs to be me. It will be ok though,” he had answered, sounding much more confident than he really felt.

By 72 hours, many of the withdrawal symptoms had begun to alleviate. Oli could sleep for longer periods of time, and his confusion and delirium dissipated. The pain and shakes began to leave him as well, but in doing so, had left him withdrawn and exhausted. The nausea seemed to decrease, and Oli could eat small meals again, and it was during one of these that he made a heartbreaking request. Kellin had just risen to help him get into a more comfortable position to take a nap after eating most of the lunch laid out for him, when Oli flinched and asked in a quiet, ashamed tone, “Can you…not touch me? I just…I can’t stand anyone touching me right now.”

Feeling his rage for Jona flare back up, Kellin put his poker face back on. “Of course, baby. Whatever you need.” It was amazing how badly he wanted to immediately hug the other man as he wore that heartbreaking expression, but it would be the exact opposite of what Oli wanted.

“Thanks. For everything. I can’t remember a ton, but I know you’ve been here the whole time. And…and I love you. I don’t think anyone else in this world would have stayed with someone this damaged as long as you’ve stayed with me…”

“And I’m not going anywhere, either,” Kellin added determinedly, gripping his jeans to stop himself from reaching out to Oli. The other boy gave him the barest ghost of a smile and settled down into the blankets, Luna moving up to snuggle. His inked fingers contrasted sharply with her snowy fur as he held her close. The bruise on his left eye was healing, and the burns had become pink and itchy as they continued to finish healing on his arm. He was still pale, but they removed the IV that afternoon after his kidney values came back to normal, advising that he continue to drink plenty of fluids throughout the day. If he continued to improve throughout the night, he would be allowed to go home the next day.

The police came that afternoon, along with Dr. Orsbeck. With his psychiatrist in the room, Kellin left to find food, and came back to find Jordan waiting patiently outside the door. As soon as he saw Kellin, he gave a sympathetic smile and drew the other man in for a hug.

“You look knackered,” Jordan observed.

“I am, but…” he shrugged, as if that explained everything.

“Yeah. You’re probably just relieved he’s alive. How is he? Tom told me what happened to him,” he frowned.

“We’ve just gotten past the ketamine withdrawal. His kidney values are back to normal. He can actually have conversations now. He’s aware of everything now. But…”

“But?”

“I can’t touch him. No one can touch him. He can’t stand it. And he can’t be alone.”

Jordan nodded, thinking hard about something.

“How is Drop Dead? Everything ok on that end?” Kellin asked, trying to find a new subject to talk about.

“Oh yeah. Everything’s in proper order. Just need Oli’s direct input for a few things, but they’ll keep. The media has thankfully died off, so they shouldn’t bother either of you. I know Oli hates the limelight so much.” He paused, trying to find the right words before continuing. “I have a question for you, and I’d like you to give it some thought.”

“What?” Kellin asked, weariness creeping in.

“We have an opening in our accounting team on the business side of things. I know you got your degree, and you were supposed to be doing an internship, but would you consider coming to work at Drop Dead? I know it might be a bit of a strange dynamic for you, but it would allow you to support Oli through this, and honestly we really do need someone else. Hubert is a machine, but even he’s getting overwhelmed with all of it.”

Surprise overcame exhaustion. “Really? You don’t think Oli and everyone else would mind me working there?”

“Well I, for one, know that I’d love to have you, and I know Oli would as well. I remember suggesting it a few times, and he was always worried you wouldn’t want him as your boss, or you wouldn’t want to be around him all the time. He always told me you needed to be a free bird and make your own decisions, and that he didn’t want you to feel obligated to say yes because he asked you. But it’s me asking you, not him, so I don’t think it counts,” Jordan gave him an encouraging smile.

“No that definitely doesn’t count.” It was perfect. This way he could help Oli at work, and make up for the lost income since quitting his internship. “Alright. Draw up whatever contract stuff you need to do, and I’ll sign it whenever we get home tomorrow.”

Jordan grinned and held out a hand, which Kellin took. “Welcome to Drop Dead. We really hope that you don’t.”

Chuckling, Kellin asked, “Do you say that to everyone you bring on board?”

“Pretty much. My dad jokes have gotten worse since I got Eliot, and now Eden, so…”

The police came out of the room with Dr. Orsbeck, and Kellin allowed Jordan to go in so he could catch up with the doctor.

“Congratulations, you got him out of the woods. He’s alright to go home tomorrow, but I’m going to bump up his sessions with me to twice a week for a couple months. He told me that he can’t stand anyone touching him, which is normal for rape victims, but we don’t want him to get too touch starved. Warm baths, which he will likely want anyway, should help. A weighted blanket is also another good idea. Now, how are you doing?”

“Just relieved that he’s a little more himself now. Whatever that was the past few days, it wasn’t him.”

“It was the drugs,” Dr. Orsbeck agreed. “At least he’ll have some closure now. The police found a body in the house they suspected that Oli had been held in. It burned to the ground, which is probably how Oli escaped. They’re still working on identifying the body, but they think it’s him. It was burned very badly. They might be even able to link him to the fire at your apartment. But at this point it’s just good that he can’t come back. That should help Oli tremendously, knowing he’s not still out there. As for his touch phobia, just be patient. That can take months to get over.” She gave him a reassuring pat on his arm. “Oli is very lucky to have someone as devoted as you are. You both have come through a lot, and I have a pretty good idea that you’ll get through this too.”

“I want to go back to work.”

He watched as blue eyes looked up with concern from the computer screen. His boyfriend sat at their kitchen landing, watching Oli rip apart lettuce for their dinner. It was the first meal he’d made in some time too. When he had arrived home a few days before, Ms. Quinn had made dinner for them, but with Oli home had returned to work and home the next day. Oli had thanked her as best he could, but still was feeling poorly himself at the time. Kellin made their meals after that, doing the simple recipes he knew wouldn’t upset Oli’s still sensitive stomach. He had doted on the other boy, laying out soft clothes for him so Oli didn’t have to decide, putting hoodies in the dryer for him when Oli would get random chills or pains, and singing softly to him in the evenings so Oli could sleep.

Nightmares had plagued him though. Jona atop him, hands digging into his thighs, face melting off in the fire that surely killed him, body becoming a monster that hovered in the shadows of his mind. He would wake screaming, Kellin doing his best to calm him without touching him. Instead he would wrap the weighted blanket he had bought tightly around him so he felt secure and then go run Oli a hot bath, even sitting in the door frame, Oskar on his lap, so Oli wasn’t alone. It was like a much worse repeat of Sheffield, as Oli would scrub at his skin, unable to get the touch of that vile man off him. His skin felt black and rotting, and he just wanted to peel it off. But Kellin had hidden all the razors, and only produced him one in the morning to shave, so that was out of the question as well.

“Are you sure? Jordan said we could wait a few more days until you’re ready.”

“I’d rather just get back to it. I hate sitting around here all day.”

“Tired of my company already?” Kellin teased gently, closing his computer and propping his chin on his hand.

“No! No….I’m just…”

“Baby relax, I’m just teasing you. I know you’re not sick of me. You hate being alone,” Kellin mollified.

“I just meant that my brain needs something other to do than think about…it,” he said quietly, making sure to leave tomatoes off Kellin’s. “And I miss my studio.”

“Ok. I’ll text Jordan then,” Kellin said simply, and he went to rise, but then sat back down. Oli had noticed him do that a bunch, and could only come to the conclusion that he was stopping himself from touching the other boy. Part of him felt bad, asking him not to touch when Kellin had always thrived on it, but another part of him was relieved. He was ruined goods, and he couldn’t ruin Kellin as well with his diseased skin.

They ate dinner on the patio to get fresh air, and Oli looked about their little pool. It was so strange to think that a week ago he thought he’d never see it again, let alone be eating dinner with Kellin outside as they threw the ball for Luna, who had now taught Oskar how to play fetch. As awful as he felt, and mixed up at times, he knew he was blessed to have survived, though this left him a burden on Kellin. Dr. Orsbeck encouraged him to think that if Kellin didn’t want to be here, he wouldn’t. She also encouraged him to find a new, nurturing hobby that he could find joy in, as his old hobbies might feel tainted.

“I think I’m going to order some plants,” Oli found himself saying aloud, looking at some bare patches of sun under the trees.

“Like…to eat?” Kellin asked, blue eyes blinking in confusion.

“No. For like a garden, y’know? I know it’s late in the summer, but…”

“What kind?” his boyfriend asked, curiosity in those cerulean depths.

Oli just shrugged. “All kinds, I guess. I need to figure out what can grow in this climate.”

“Definitely some roses…and dandelions…”

“Dandelions are a weed.”

“Still pretty though.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Oli rolled his eyes.

“Ridiculously awesome. Your whole office is gonna know it by the end of tomorrow too.”

“Maybe I should have warned them,” Oli said without heat, but Kellin just grinned at him, and took another bite of salad.

It was awkward to slide into bed and keep distance between them, but Oli watched Kellin do so. Luna snuggled between them, giving Oli something to hold onto, while Oskar cuddled at Kellin’s feet. When Oli had first been conscious enough to notice, Kellin seemed tired and pale since the hospital. Now he pondered for the first time what Kellin had gone through when Oli had been kidnapped. Whatever it had been, it wasn’t likely to be good. He wished there was some way to make it up to him, all the hell he put him through, and was continuing to do so by not letting Kellin touch him, or by needing so much help. He knew Kellin did so of his own free will, but with how torn apart Oli was, he rarely felt worthy of his time and attention.

Wanting to say something, and apology, anything, his emotions ping ponging back and forth between alright and a train wreck, Oli watched as Kellin dashed the light, his lean body snuggling under the covers thanks to the air conditioning. Just as Oli opened his mouth though, Kellin beat him to it.

_They say that love is forever, Your forever is all that I need, Please stay, as long as you need, Can't promise that things won't be broken, But I swear, that I will never leave, Please stay, forever with me, The way that we are, Is the reason I stay, As long as you're here with me, I know we'll be okay, The way that we are, Is the reason I stay, As long as you're here with me, I know I'll be okay…_

Kellin’s sweet singing voice washed over him, cleansing him in a way the numerous baths could not. Before he could voice his thoughts the words weaved through his bones, Kellin’s love the glue that was slowly beginning to put him back together, piece by pain-staking piece. As Kellin repeated the lyrics, Oli found his breathing evening out, and he slowly drifted off to sleep.

Kellin adjusted his shirt and looked in the mirror. Now it was straight, and professional looking. Should he tuck it in, or…

“Kells, you ready to…what are you wearing?” Oli had started to say as he poked his head in the door, but had stopped seeing Kellin in a black suit, white shirt and black tie.

“I’m wearing a suit,” Kellin said simply, adjusting his tie. It had taken him and Vic months to perfect doing it for themselves, as for several classes they’d had to wear business casual. By the end of that particular semester he and Vic could tie them in their sleep.

“You know there’s no dress code at drop dead other than wear something that won’t get caught in the machines, right?”

“I know. I just want to make a good impression for my first day,” he said brightly.

“Well, it will be a handsome impression,” Oli reassured, though the light didn’t quite reach his eyes. To be fair Oli’s eyes had been dull since Kellin found him. He was still alive, had made it though the tortures in that attic as well as detoxing off ketamine for a second time in his life, but he wasn’t really living. He did things, like eat and bathe and take the dogs for a walk once he was feeling well enough, but it was like a robot had taken up that space. He was going around on autopilot, his emotions mostly shut down in order to process the trauma he had been exposed to. As a result, it was like living with a ghost. Oli had never been the mouth piece in their relationship, but even this was quiet for him. Also, sometimes Kellin would catch him staring off in space, an unreadable expression on his face. Other times Kellin caught him pausing in whatever he had been doing, pressing a hand to his lower stomach, as if pained. It was at those times he went and got a warm hoodie and a blanket and a mug of tea. His depression crept in with his anxiety, but Dr. Orsbeck and Kellin had done all they could to mitigate those symptoms, caring for and supporting Oli as best they could. But still, this wasn’t his boyfriend who haunted their house, but a flimsy apparition who had none of Oli’s fervor and passion. Part of Kellin worried that that gorgeous, wondrous part of Oli was lost forever, ripped from him when Jona had taken what he’d wanted.

The ride to Drop Dead was quiet, Oli watching out the window, his eyes far away. He was wearing a soft black and white sweater despite the heat of the day, paired with dark wash jeans that fit comfortably in case he was still a bit sore. He had spoken with Jordan yesterday, making sure no one would run up and hug Oli or surprise him. The core individuals of Jordan, Lee, Mat, and Vegan knew what had happened, but everyone else who now worked there would simply know that Oli had been injured from being kidnapped, and had to recover at him for a bit before returning.

Still, Jordan was very happy to see him when he arrived, explaining the backlog of work to be done, and Oli showed at least some energy in wanting to get to it. Of course he showed Kellin to the office he would share with Hubert, their desks facing one another and overlooking the machines below.

“Hubert?” Oli said, getting the man’s attention. From over a computer a man looked, his watery face and body having the consistency of pizza dough before it was cooked. “This is Kellin. He’s new to our marketing and accounting team. I know you’ve been a bit overwhelmed with Theresa leaving, but Kellin works very hard and I’m sure he’ll be very helpful. Please be good enough to show him around properly. I know you prefer the accounts, so I’m sure Kellin will happily tackle the marketing side. Right love?” he confirmed, looking to Kellin.

Kellin nodded quickly. “Yeah, we got it. I’ll have my cell on me if you need anything alright? I’ll see you at lunch. Oh! I forgot to tell you I packed you some pistachios for you to snack on if you get hungry ok?”

“Thanks love,” he said to Kellin, and then waved to Hubert before retreating across the way to his own office.

Looking about, Kellin took in the bright an airy workspace, converted from an old factory. The Large windows let in plenty of light, and the high ceilings made it so he didn’t feel cramped.

“If you’re done touring the room, we have so much work to do,” Hubert said in a nasally tone, eyeing Kellin as one might look at bad meat. “Your tie is crooked by the way.”

Looking down automatically, Kellin readjusted it. “Sorry. Lead the way and I’ll catch up,” he said, trying to be cheery. He really didn’t want to cause a problem on his first day.

In reality he had never realized how complicated owning a clothing line could be. Immediately he set about looking at the books, doing his own private audit, as well as tackling what had been done for marketing. He was so busy that he’d almost missed lunch with Oli. By the end of the day he was sure he had never used his brain so much in his life. His patience too had been tested, Hubert being a perfectionist and demanding things be done the right way the first time, which Kellin could understand, though he wished the other man would cut him some slack. He had only graduated this past May, and was still learning his trade.

By the end of the week Kellin was getting sick of that attitude as well, Hubert making him feel bad for asking questions, or not understanding something when it came to dye lots on his first try. Oli seemed more engaged though, which kept Kellin going. He wasn’t smiling or anything, but he seemed to stare out into space a little less, and had actually gotten through a couple nights without night terrors.

So it was with these improvements in mind that Kellin swore to himself that he would suck it up, and work as hard as he could to get better at his new job. Monday seemed to go that way at first, as he ordered the correct new parts for the machines, as well as doing his first successful audit of weekend sales. Jordan had even brought in several banoffee pies for all of Drop Dead at lunch to celebrate Kellin joining them and Oli being back, which is how he finally learned that it was Oli’s favorite dessert. Everything was going swimmingly until after rechecking the website, he went to the lunch room to refill his water bottle, and paused when he heard Hubert’s voice.

“-got the job because he’s sleeping with our boss! Really there needs to be someone more experienced in that seat. He doesn’t even know how to run rechecks on the taxing from each state! I just had to go through this morning and correct all his mistakes. Really he’s too young and inexperienced to be doing this job…”

And it was then that Kellin felt his flame extinguish. He thought he had been doing so well! Instead he had been screwing things up because he’d never finished his internship, and the thought of messing up Oli’s company was painful, especially when the other boy was as fragile as he was at the moment.

The comments followed him the rest of the week, Hubert having to correct him again and again. Rumors trickled about, how Kellin only had that job because he slept with Oli, and that his grades hadn’t even been that good, and that he was screwing up their business. These of course, never came from the core Oli surrounded himself with, but Kellin saw it in the glances of the outliers, the people less close to Oli, and felt himself to be very small by the end of the week. At one point he’d even needed to hide in the bathroom for several minutes to wash his tears away, frustrated with himself for not doing better. How could he tell Oli that he was failing him? How could he let the other man know he should be fired? As it was, Oli, while more focused, still couldn’t stand anyone touching him. Was he really healing? Or was work preoccupying Kellin to the point that he didn’t notice? He got his answer that following Monday.

Jordan felt awful. It was easy to see the change in Oli’s demeanor when he’d come back to work. Where Oli would smile occasionally and his eyes would brighten at a new idea, instead there was slow silence, and a barely pieced together mask to hide his hurt from the world. He knew between the kidnapping and rape, Oli might take a long time to heal, so he felt bad imposing on his good nature when Eliot got sick, and Emma was home with Eden.

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I can take him back home…” Jordan said, holding Eliot as he stood in the doorway to their office, his son’s face tucked sleepily into his shoulder. “I’m sure I can reschedule that interview to another time.”

“Jordan, s’fine. I can watch Eliot for the half hour you’re running that interview. We need a new driver, and I’m busy with designs. Besides, Eliot is a joy and I don’t mind him being around. I know Emma has been tired lately caring for Eden with her cold, and you both were phenomenal when I was…gone…so really. It’s fine.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

To be fair Eliot slept on his lap while Jordan worked at his computer, organizing several shipments while Oli worked at his design desk. Being sick with a cold, Eliot was often clingy, and Jordan rotated holding him, wiping his face, and letting him play with some toys quietly around his desk or watch a cartoon on his phone. Typically Oli and he listened to music as they worked, but they went without in order to keep things quiet for Eliot. By mid-afternoon, Jordan switched the sleepy boy to the floor curled up on his blanket with his stuffed bear and looked to Oli. He had told Eliot repeatedly that Uncle Oli had been sick for awhile and to not bother him while he was working, especially how phobic Oli was of surprises and touching at the moment.

“Looks like he’ll sleep for most of it. I’ll be back in awhile ok?”

“Jordan stop worrying and go,” Oli urged him gently. “Besides, Eliot is always well behaved for me.”

“That’s true. He does love you and Kellin…” Sometimes when they couldn’t get a babysitter, Emma and Jordan would ask Oli and by default, Kellin as well, to watch their son, and Eliot loved it, often requesting Uncle Olober and Uncle Kells in lieu of the usual babysitters they got.

“Exactly. Now go.”

The interview ran a bit longer than expected, and Jordan hurried to return, but as looked through the windows of the office as he approached he paused, mouth open and what he was seeing, and turned on his heel. From there he made a bee-line to Kellin and Hubert’s office, finding Kellin hunched over his desk with a small, sullen frown as he usually wore these days. He wasn’t sure if it was the stress from the new job, or what had happened with Oli, but Kellin had seemed quiet, his color dulled for at least the last week. He had meant to perhaps ask Vegan or Mat about it, since they saw him more, but hadn’t had a chance.

“Come with me. You need to come see this,” he commanded, ignoring the glares from Hubert as they left the office together.

Kellin followed him, worry coming over his face. “Is it Oli? Is he ok?”

Jordan just grinned and pulled him to one of the windows out of the office, and watched Kellin’s blue eyes widen. There at the designing desk was Oli, working away while Eliot sat securely on his lap, doodling with his crayons. Jordan watched as Kellin’s face lit up, hope coming back into his eyes, and he knew he’d done the right thing. Oli might not be allowing Kellin to touch him, or pretty much anyone else, but he was making progress. Children and dogs were alright in his book.

“I figured you might need to see that. I’m sure this hasn’t been easy on you at all.”

Kellin’s face fell a little and his eyes softened, “Whatever I went through is still nothing compared to what he did, and still is getting through. I just wish there was some way I could put him back together.”

“You are. You just don’t realize it because it’s so slow.”

At the sound of Jordan’s voice, Eliot looked up and waved, so Jordan went around to the door.

“I thought I said to leave Uncle Oli alone?”

“But Uncle Olober is sick like me, and I like to color when I’m sick…” Eliot whined.

“And Uncle Oli said it was ok,” Oli chimed in, patting Eliot’s head.

“Well as long as you’re alright with it…”

“I am. I promise,” Oli said, and Jordan watched for a moment as a sweet smile came to his lips as he watched Eliot color for a moment before going back to his design.

Oli was beginning to worry. In the weeks following his return from the hospital, it had been hard dealing with his emotions and anxiety, and knew it had been hard on Kellin as well. He couldn’t imagine what Kellin had gone through, but in his recovery had been unable to even consider it. Now it was dawning on him as he watched Kellin swim back and forth in their pool. This had been their evening routine as of late. They would come home, and Oli would work on the gardens while Kellin swam, the ebony locks pausing once in awhile for Oli, before turning and lapping once more. He looked so graceful in the water, and since he’d started, Oli noticed his shoulders becoming stronger and filling out, and his abs defining slightly. To be fair, Kellin was always beautiful to him, but since the incident with Jona, Oli had had no libido, understandably. Watching Kellin swim, however, had brought some of it back, and he enjoyed watching the other boy, even if he wasn’t feeling worthy enough to touch him yet. No need to corrupt the thing he so admired. As it was Kellin seemed quiet lately anyway, and it worried Oli as to how much Kellin had been affected by what happened to him.

The plants had been delivered shortly after they were ordered, and Oli set about planting them. He’d never had a garden in his life, nor had much interest in it, but he had to give credit to his therapist; she really did know how to help. There was something nice about clearing away the weeds, and having his hands in the soft, sandy soil. And as each garden took shape, he could feel a sense of accomplishment and quiet joy in seeing something thrive where he had planted it.

As Kellin continued to lap, Oli realized he had left a couple of pots he wanted to put by the poolside with annuals, and went to their garage to find them. As he hunted through their stuff around Kellin’s cougar, he heard frantic calls for his name.

“OLI! OLI! OLIVER!” he heard, and panic shot through him. Running out of the garage toward the voice he saw Kellin running around the side of the house in full alarm, dripping from head to toe out of the pool. As soon as he saw Oli his panic seemed to fade and he put his hands on his knees, bent over, shaking and relieved.

“Kells, what’s wrong? Are you ok?” Oli asked, swiftly joining him.

Kellin looked as though he wanted to pull Oli close and hug him, but refrained. “I got to the edge of the pool and you weren’t in your spot!” He exclaimed in an accusatory fashion.

“Love, I had to get some pots. I didn’t go far…”

“But I couldn’t see you! And I didn’t know where you’d gone and…” he trailed off miserably. It was then that Oli connected the dots. Kellin hadn’t let him out of his line of sight much since he’d been found, and when he was out of sight, Kellin knew exactly where he was. But in going to go get some pots, Oli had disappeared right out from under Kellin’s nose, and it had sent his boyfriend into a full fledged panic. This was the fear that Kellin must live with everyday, he surmised, that Oli would be taken from him again.

“Ah love, I’m sorry,” he said sympathetically. “C’mon this way,” he guided, leading the other back to the poolside and wrapped him in the towel, the other boy miserably staying still so Oli didn’t have to touch him. “I’m just going to grab something. Ill be right back.” Leaving for only a moment, he came back with the weighted blanket and wrapped Kellin in that as well and sat on the lounge chair across from him. Now, where to begin?

“It must have been awful…those few days without me…” he said gently, fiddling with the gardening gloves in his hand. “I bet you can’t stand to have me out of your sight now…”

Tightening the blanket around him, Kellin looked away, his eyes wet, as a few tears slipped down. “They were the worst days of my life,” he answered dejectedly. “Including the first time I saw you in the hospital. I didn’t know where you were, or if I’d ever see you again, and that not knowing was the worst thing I’ve ever known. I couldn’t…I can’t imagine going through everything without you.”

“I know it probably won’t help, but please know that everything I did, was to get back to you. I just kept thinking of you. And if you need me to, I’ll make sure you know where I am for now. I know I’ve been scared to let you out of my sight before, so I get it. Now come and I’ll make you some cocoa…”

“It’s the middle of summer…”

“Summer doesn’t change the fact that chocolate makes you happy and I’d like to cheer you up. You’ve seemed quiet lately.”

Kellin just shrugged, “Just busy with work and all.”

Oli shot him an adoring look, “Which I love that you’re with me every day now, by the way. It’s nice to have you at work with me.”

His boyfriend said nothing and gave him a partial smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes as he plopped down at their counter while Oli took the saucepan out to make the cocoa the old fashioned way, which he knew was Kellin’s favorite.

After so many days of Kellin taking care of him, it was nice to do something for him in return. And in doing that one small act someone had lifted the fog Oli had been surrounded by. He knew Kellin had been feeling some strain lately, but now he noticed more. He ate little for breakfast, seemed to fidget in the car, and when he ate lunch with Oli, seemed distracted and closed off. Oli could only guess at what was going on until Vegan’s familiar head poked into his office a few days after the pool incident. It wasn’t uncommon to see Vegan, Mat or Lee poke their heads in to ask a question, or shoot the shit for a moment, and Oli made it a point to let them know that while he was steering the ship, he very much needed them at the sails, and valued them and their expertise greatly. Besides, they were funny and genial in their own ways, and Oli was so glad he hired them.

“Hey Oli, can I chat with you a second?” his tallest worker asked, stepping into the room, the sun highlighting his platinum hair and fine face structure. Mat swore that between Vegan, Jordan and him, they could sharpen swords on those cheek bones.

Oli came around to the front of his desk and popped up onto it. He didn’t like having barrier between him and someone he was having a conversation with. “Sure. The cutters need sharpening again?”

“No…no, actually it’s about Kellin,” Vegan frowned, hand going to his hair in a similar nervous maneuver that Kellin did.

“Kellin? Is he alright? I didn’t realize you two worked that closely together.”

“I don’t, that is, we don’t, though he’s always really nice, and he comes and says hi to us when we need a break from Hubert, but I’m worried about him. And you said a few years ago to come to you if I ever saw anything inappropriate or that bothered us, and…yeah.”

Apprehension settled in his chest, and he got up, closing his office door before returning to his spot against his desk. “What’s going on?”

Vegan took a deep breath before he began. “I was headed to the bathroom the other day and I caught Kellin crying. He was pretty upset. I managed to get him to tell me what was wrong, but he made me swear I wouldn’t tell anyone, that is, until I heard the rumors-“

“Woah, woah…” Oli held up his hand. “What was he crying about first?”

“He feels like he’s not good at his job, because Hubert keeps cracking down on him, and of course I told him that he’s been doing a great job, but he said that you should probably fire him, and…and he works so hard Oli. He really does. We can see him from the floor and he’s always running around and making sure everything is up to snuff…and I suspected that Hubert was just making him miserable, but that was confirmed when I caught him in the breakroom the other day, talking to one of the delivery guys about how Kellin only got the job because he’s your boyfriend, and how he should be at an internship and how he’s still learning and…I just wanted to punch him. But I didn’t!” He quickly reassured. “But I wanted to, because Kellin is really nice, and he’s really great to work with, and I just, I just thought you should know what’s going on. That, and I don’t want to see him cry anymore.”

Oli felt cold rage freeze his insides, his mask sliding up to conceal it. “Thank-you Vegan. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. You did the right thing, and I’ll take care of it, ok?”

Letting out a breath of relief, Vegan looked as though he had passed through hellfire unscathed. “Yeah. I should get back now though.”

“Do me a favor on your way please?”

“Sure. What can I do for you Oli?”

“Send Hubert in to me. We need to have a little chat.”

Oli was playing on his phone when the doughy man came in and plopped into a chair. He hadn’t often called him in, as Hubert was decent enough at his job, but he found himself having to wear a passive mask to hide his fury at making Kellin cry. He had even taken a quick look at some of the marketing things Kellin had implemented and had been positively tickled at how well Kellin had cleaned up their website and simplified the ordering process. No wonders their sales were picking up halfway through the season, when they should have been emptying their stores with sales to get ready for the fall lineup.

“Hubert,” he began slowly, watching the man like a puma might a guanaco. “I’ve been hearing some troubling rumors lately, and I was hoping you could clear them up.”

The man looked rather surprised, but also a bit pleased, as if he suspected that Oli might confirm rumors of Kellin being a poor worker, and therefore fire him. “Of course. What can I do for you?”

“What can you do? Well you could start by explaining why you think Kellin got this job.”

Hubert’s color drained, and he gapped slightly, knowing which rumor Oli was then referring to. “I…I…um-“

“Because I can assure you it wasn’t because he was…how did you put it? Fucking me? Or getting fucked by me? I mean it really could be either, though I did used to enjoy being the underdog,” began Oli, watching his prey squirm and feeling no mercy. “Kellin really got this job so I could have him nearby, he’s good at what he does, and because I knew he would give 110%, which I believe he has. We’re even picking up sales, thanks to his marketing expertise. In having him close, I hoped to make him happy, but how should I feel when I hear that his co-worker is spreading rumors about him and making him miserable. Tell me Hubert, what exactly were you thinking in saying these things?” He leered down, watching the man sweat.

“He…I was just correcting him…and teaching him…”he tried, but Oli rolled his eyes.

“Please, you were jealous that he was so popular right off the bat, and because you are a pathetic, pasty, sad little man, you tried to make him feel just as small as you do. And had you done it to anyone else, I might have given you a second chance but you went after Kellin, and like you said, he’s fucking me. So you can go ahead and clean out your desk, because if I see you ever again, I will personally punt you back to your mother’s basement and bury you there. Do you understand?”

Looking as though he might start crying, the marshmallow face nodded.

“Good. Now get out.”

Watching him leave, Oli sighed and felt his shoulders slump tiredly. There was only one way to fix this, and what Kellin had had to endure for the past few weeks. With determination, he reached over to his phone, and dialed.

Dull. That’s what these days were. He should have been trying to focus on Oli’s recovery, or at least helping Vic with the wedding, him being best man and all, but he couldn’t. His anxiety and stress from work was seeping into every corner of his life, and when he came home in the evenings, it was all he could do to go for a swim, eat dinner, and sleep. Between Hubert and the rumors he wasn’t sure what to do, but it was eating him alive. He lay at night, trying to figure out how to talk to Oli about it without sounding like he was whining. Finally he came to the conclusion: he would have to quit and do something else to help him, even if Oli wanted him to stay at home and keep house. Anything had to be better than the snarky comments and odd looks day to day.

The day he decided upon it though, Hubert wasn’t there. In fact, when Kellin walked in, he noticed the other man’s personal affects gone from his desk. Had he moved departments?

“Hey Jordan,” he greeted slowly, seeing the taller man heading into his own office overlooking the main floor.

“Morning Kellin. What are you doing on this side of the floor?”

“I was just wondering if you knew what happened to Hubert? I came in this morning, and all his stuff is gone…”

At this Jordan seemed to be doing his best to suppress a grin. “I can’t imagine what happened…maybe we’ll find out soon…”

Giving him a strange look but not wanting to argue, he headed back to his office and sat, but as he started to go over his work, he heard a familiar voice.

“Oh this way? Damn this place is confusing…” No. No way. He was hearing things.

In the doorway was suddenly his best friend, dressed in his usual black suit, white shirt and black tie, just like Kellin, as well as a bag of what Kellin assumed were personal affects he kept at the office. “Hey Buddy! There you are! This place is confusing…”

“Vic? What…what are you doing here?” Kellin looked at him incredulously, unable to believe his friend was standing in the doorway.

“Oli made me promise that I’d surprise you, but he called me yesterday and made me an offer I couldn’t refuse…”

“What sort of offer?”

“More money than I was making at the internship for sure, and of course the chance to work with my best friend, permanently. Although jokes on him if we get any work done,” he chuckled. Kellin could only stare at him, open mouthed.

“Wait…You’re working here? Where’s Hubert?”

Vic shrugged, “I don’t know who Hubert is, but Oli did mention firing someone, which is just crazy hard to imagine, but mostly he just told me that he had an opening now, and he knew hiring me would make you happy, and then he told me how much money-“

“Hold on. Hold that thought. I need to…I gotta…” unable to quite articulate, Kellin held up a hand, and quickly marched over to Oli’s office. “What the fuck did you do?” he asked, as both Oli and Jordan looked up, the two dogs coming over, excited to see Kellin.

Oli and Jordan shared a look, before Jordan silently grabbed a couple papers, then said, “I’ll give you a few minutes and make some copies of these.”

Kellin let him go, keeping his eyes on Oli, who nervously shifted his own papers.

“Did you fire Hubert?” Kellin asked in a quiet tone.

“He was making you miserable, and spreading rumors about you. I wasn’t going to let that stand. And besides, I know Vic is a hard worker, and you’ll like working with him way more. I just wish you would have come to me…”

“I…but…I was trying to avoid preferential treatment,” Kellin sighed. “And you already were dealing with so much…”

“That doesn’t mean that I don’t have the capacity to care for you though,” Oli frowned, his hazel eyes boring into Kellin’s. “And I’m sorry if I made you feel like you had to deal with this by yourself. But you’re not just my boyfriend Kellin. You’re my employee too, and if you think I would let Hubert treat Vegan, or Lee, or anyone the way he treated you, you’re wrong. I always encourage my employees to come to me when something isn’t right, and I was right to fire him. Now I have a much happier marketing and accounting team, don’t I?”

With a wet smile, Kellin scoffed, “Yeah but you’re going to have to put up with the two of us being together…things might get destroyed…”

“That’s small potatoes. I know...I know the last few weeks have been hard on you, and with me still trying to get through this, I know you’ve felt isolated. I figured that since I’m not enough right now, you could really use a friend, and who better than Vic?”

Kellin felt emotion and relief welling up, and choked them down and instead set a hand on the desk since he couldn’t put one on Oli. “Thank-you. You’re…this is the best thing ever. And baby?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re always enough for me. You always will be.”

Summer wound down, through August to September, children heading off to school and everyone ready for cooler weather. Oli’s gardens flourished, boasting leafy greens and bright blooms. Many times after swimming, Kellin would come in to artfully arranged blooms on their kitchen counter and would send Oli the largest grins, telling him how beautiful they were, just like their gardener.

Since firing Hubert, Oli felt more himself as well. Up until that point he had been a ghost, let himself float around and be taken care of. In standing up for his boyfriend he had woken from that dreamlike state, and found he still had a life yet to live. He was still alive, life seemed to move incrementally forward.

One of these increments lay in his genius decision to hire Vic. If Oli was being honest with himself, he had done it for Kellin, as much as he liked to tell others it was for Vic’s skills in business. Kellin was the most important thing in the world to him, and he would have made a deal with the devil in order to ensure he might be happy. Vic Fuentes was close enough as it was though.

Oli realized the depths of what he had done when Jordan commented to Vic once that he was amazed at how he and Kellin got anything done since they usually ate snacks and talked a lot. To be fair, they really did get tons of work done, so there was no complaints from Oli, but apparently Vic, and thereby Kellin, had taken offense at the comment, as Oli and Jordan had come in the next day to find all their pens and writing utensils replaced by gummy worms.

“What are they, 10?” Jordan had asked incredulously, and Oli had followed him down to see Kellin and Vic in their office eating the worms with a bag of pens and pencils being held ransom between them.

“Must be real hard to do your work without something to write with. You reckon we might get more work than Jordan done today, Kells?” Vic asked.

“I do believe that’s a possibility. If only we could just stop talking enough to do so…”

Jordan had just rolled his eyes and took their writing utensils back. Oli had at least found it funny. He found it equally funny when Kellin and Vic came in the next day to find their mice, and anything that wasn’t battened to their desk, duct taped to the ceiling. After that, things were quiet for a few days, Kellin’s fingers still chapped from removing all the tape from the ceiling with his things. At home he was his usual self, except that Oli caught him obsessively texting Vic from time to time. He found out why that next week.

Just as Oli was about to walk into their office he heard a frustrated cry, and could only imagine why Jordan was being so loud so early on a Monday morning. He got his answer as he walked in and did his best not to laugh at his friend. Everything on Jordan’s desk, including the desk itself, was wrapped in gift paper.

“Those wankers!” Jordan cursed, but Oli held up a hand to mollify him.

“I know this is a bit much, but I have an idea. Now hear me out…”

Some time later Jordan’s stern façade ushered the other two men in, and Oli frowned at them gesturing to the two seats. At first Vic and Kellin seemed relaxed, but when Oli did not return their friendly gestures, they quickly looked to each other in worry, knowing that they were in the hotseat now.

“I suppose you both know why I’ve called you in,” Oli monotoned, looking down upon them from where he was perched on his desk and watching them squirm. There was small amount of mumbling between the two, neither wanting to bring up their incriminating act, so Oli cut them off. “Do you have any idea how long it takes to unwrap a desk?” They quickly fell silent. “Or the individually wrapped pens? We had deliveries come this morning and Jordan couldn’t sign for them.” He watched as Vic swallowed and Kellin looked to Jordan’s passive face.

Vic opened his mouth. “Look, Oli-“

“It’s Mr. Sykes to you in this office, or need I remind you who built this company?” Vic’s face drained of color.

That was when Kellin followed suit. “It was my idea, so please don’t get mad at Vic. I’m sorry we took it too far, just…please don’t punish Vic.”

“Just because you’re my boyfriend doesn’t mean you get preferential treatment Kellin. But I am very disappointed in both of you. The gummies were one thing, but now you’re obstructing work. This has been a warning for both of you, and I’ll have Jordan make a note in your file. You may leave now,” Oli growled, and crossed his arms over his chest, bringing an end to the lecture.

Looking like he might cry, Kellin got up, while Vic rose on shaky legs, clearly unsure of whether he should clean his desk out. When they reached the door, Oli called out, “And Lads?”

They both turned miserably, and it was then that Oli allowed himself to grin. “You are both the most gullible people I know.”

Watching the sweet, sweet realization and relief dawn on them, Oli couldn’t help but laugh as Jordan also exploded a confetti cracker at them, all the while cackling at their faces.

“I…you…!!” Kellin sputtered.

“Damn! That was the best poker face I have ever-!” roared Vic, clutching his sides in relief.

“You had us thinking we were both going to be fired!” Kellin gapped.

“And now you’ll think twice about trying to pull pranks on Jordan, won’t you?” Oli chuckled, his face breaking out into the Cheshire grin with his tongue out that he hadn’t shown in months.

Seeing the grin, Kellin’s face softened, and he began to laugh as well. “Yeah…no more pranking Jordan or you. I don’t really want to watch Vic piss his pants again.”

“Piss MY pants? Dude I could feel you shaking and I was a foot away!” Vic retorted.

“It’s cold in here…”

“You’re wearing a suit and right now it’s filled out with all your bullshit!”

“I swear you’re cheating! There’s no way I have been playing all these years and I can still lose to you!” Oli watched as Kellin threw his controller onto their rug. Vic’s laughter filled up the room, the other man sitting next to him on their couch. Oli was making them some carrot sticks and broccoli in the kitchen, enjoying hearing them together under their roof again. It had been hard to invite people over, not knowing how he was going to feel day to day, but with Rachel off dress shopping with her mother, Vic had come over to spend the afternoon with them, and Oli couldn’t bring himself to mind. It was too nice to see Kellin happy again, though losing to Vic in FIFA was a common occurrence.

Just as he was finishing cutting the broccoli his phone rang, the picture of a young woman with black and blond streaks lighting it up. But why was Rachel calling if she was supposed to be off dress shopping?

“’Ello?”

“Oli! Oli you have to save me. I’m going to kill her.” At first Oli’s heart jumped. Kill? Who? It was Rachel’s voice on the other line, but she sounded furious. But then his mind caught up. She was dress shopping. Rachel was likely talking about her mother.

“That bad, eh?”

“Please come save me. I’m desperate. We had a huge fight and now I’m sitting at the café, the little coffee shop on Third. I told her I’d get a ride home from Vic, but he’s been looking forward to playing video games with Kellin all week so…”

“Right. I’ll come meet you then. Just sit tight for me, ok?”

“I swear Oli, you are the best…”

Bidding her goodbye, he approached the couch, knowing it might be a bit of a tricky conversation. Kellin and he hadn’t been further than mere yards from one another in months. In truth, Oli had needed that for a while, and he was sure Kellin did as well. But now it was time to try and leave the nest.

“Hey love,” he interrupted them, Kellin’s bright blue eyes turning to him as did Vic’s easy smile. “Rachel just called. She’s having an awful time finding a dress and wants me to come meet her.”

“But…Vic is over. I mean-“

“It would just be me. You can stay here with Vic.”

Kellin’s brow furrowed, not grasping that they could be apart. “But…you’re going by yourself?”

“I’ll bring Luna with me,” Oli reassured. “And I’m meeting Rachel, so someone is always with me.”

Watching for a moment, Kellin came around the couch to then face him, looking as if he desperately wanted to hug Oli, though he prayed he wouldn’t. He couldn’t corrupt him as he had been corrupted. Instead, the shorter boy closed his eyes, took a deep breath, let it out noisily and looked at him. “Ok. I’ve known this was coming for awhile…and we can do this. I can do this. Just…text me when you get there? And send me a picture with Rachel? And…and just keep your phone on you?”

“Of course. I know, but I have to fly eventually. But I’ll keep my ringer on, and I’ll text you every so often, alright?”

The other boy slowly nodded. “Yeah…ok. I love you.”

“And I love you. It will be ok. Vic is here with you, and you have a bachelor party to plan…”

Vic pipped in, “Yeah man. We gotta work on what bars to hit and what to do…”

Kellin nodded, “Alright. I’ll see you in a little while.”

True to his word, Oli texted Kellin as soon as he parked, and sent him a picture of a miserable Rachel as soon as he made it to the café, Luna sitting beside him as she edged a London Fog over to him.

“Thanks for coming out Oli,” she paused, “I know it was probably hard leaving Kellin home.”

“It’s weird more than anything. He really hasn’t left my side in over a month so…honestly I think he’s more nervous about it than I am,” he answered, taking a sip. It was still a bit too hot.

“Well thanks for coming anyway. I was trying to go with my mom, but every time I found a dress I liked, she would say something like ‘I don’t like bare shoulders’, or ‘you’re too short for that,’ or ‘why would you want color on it’ and I’m just done!” As she spoke her voice crescendoed with her frustration. “And the stuff she picks out? Is archaic! May as well just wrap me in toilet paper!”

He tried not to laugh as she went off, but he could easily imagine her, wanting bright and bold while her mother tried to reign her in. “So you called…me?”

“I called a semi-famous fashion designer who also happens to be one of my best friends in order to help me find a dress.”

Raising an eyebrow he took a sip of his tea. Now it was a much better temperature. “I don’t know that much about wedding dresses. I know your style, but what do you want?”

“It’s easier to tell you what I don’t want, which is the same boring old white frock that everyone else is wearing. I want pink and blue and bright accents…not this boring white stuff. I want my wedding to be fun, but my mom is trying to make it so formal…”

“What does Vic want?”

“Oh he’s easy. He’ll go along with anything, though I think he feels a lot more comfortable being a bit more casual. I mean my parent’s guest list is enormous and they’re having a really fancy reception but…”

“…but you’re not really into that. Alright. Why don’t we go look for a few and I can help you hopefully find something that makes everyone happy?” he offered, watching her face become more relieved.

“Yes please!”

Oli liked to think he had learned quite a lot about the fashion industry since entering it 4 years ago. In many ways it was cut throat and he was always using his creativity to try and outdo his competitors. He catered to a niche market of mid-range fashion conscious people with a rather metal (or mental) edge to them. His designs could be cartoonish, colorful, with a dark sense of humor through all of them. And he knew his competitors, and what else was on the market. But wedding dresses, he decided, left him baffled. Everything was white, frilly, floral, and expensive. After looking at 25 dresses in 5 different stores, he was sure he was seeing the same thing each time, and they were no closer to finding ‘The One’.

“Ugh…this is useless…” Rachel maligned, plopping down after trying yet another one. “Do these designers really think everyone is a 5’10” size 2? That thing made me look like a pumpkin…”

“I would say more like some sort of stunted flower but I get your point,” Oli sighed.

“I give up…”

“I think what we need is some perspective. Sometimes, if I’m up in the air about a design, I keep it on my desk for a week. I look at it occasionally, but that time gives my brain some space to digest. That way, I can come back at it, and realize it was either brilliant, or the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever tried to make.”

She gave him a look. “I don’t think they’re going to just let me take these dresses home for a week…”

He gave a soft smile, “No, but I do have all the pictures of them. Why don’t we come back to this in a week? Then we can look at it with fresh eyes, and in the meantime I’ll contact some friends in the industry and see what they have to say. I mean, I basically know what you’re looking for now.”

“I guess that makes sense,” she sighed, and finally stood back up. “Can I catch a ride back with you and grab Vic?”

“Of course…” The drive home was somber since they hadn’t found a dress, but at least Oli had a few people in mind he could contact in order to help Rachel have the wedding she wanted and deserved. After all, she had been a great voice of reason for both him and Kellin when they needed it, and Vic had become one of his best friends. He genuinely wanted the best for both of them. He picked up pizza for the four of them, causing Vic and Kellin to immediately drift to the kitchen once he got home.

“So, any luck?” Vic asked, though his eyes flicked to the pizza as Oli got the plates out.

Rachel sighed once again and collapsed into the kitchen chair, propping her chin upon her hand. “Worst luck I’ve ever had.”

Kellin, who had been standing close to Oli since he came back, desperately relieved to have him home, looked back at her. “Nothing?”

“Nothing. Less than nothing. I’m just going to wear jeans.”

Vic turned away from the pizza and sat down in the chair beside her, taking her hand and giving her a sympathetic look. “You know I wouldn’t mind that, but your mom would have some big issues, and your dad even might have something to say about his princess not looking like a princess on her big day…”

“Ugh. Don’t remind me. I literally kicked my mom off the dress decision squad. She made me look like I was going to stroll right out of the eighties.”

At this Vic laughed, and Oli set the plates at the table, doling out the pizza and wings, he just eating the veggie pieces and the celery sticks that came with them.

Kellin chuckled as well. “C’mon! You mean you don’t want super permed hair? Puffy sleeves?”

“You’d look just like a small Princess Di,” Oli added, crunching on a celery stick.

Rachel took a large bite of pizza, and after swallowing stuck her tongue out at them. In response, Vic took her hand. “Well you could be wearing a paper bag for all I care. You’re still gonna look amazing.”

Kellin flicked a pepperoni at him. “Get out of here you cheeseball!”

Smirking, Vic retorted, “Oh yeah like you weren’t checking your phone every thirty seconds when Oli was out.”

At this Kellin blushed and looked away, “I…that was…”

Rachel seemed to sense it was a low blow and redirected the focus. “Well if I’m wearing a paper bag, you’ll have to as well.”

The image popping into his head, Oli chuckled, “Ok. We definitely need to find you a dress.”

Later that night he laid in bed with kellin, the other boy freshly scrubbed from the shower, and Oli could smell his shampoo from across the small space of their bed. Part of him longed to touch it, while the other part of him was disgusted with himself.

“Were all the dresses really that bad?” Kellin asked as he played a game on his phone.

Oli glanced over from where he was reading, “Some of them, yeah. They use models to design them, and those models are usually tall, but Rachel’s pretty short, so she ends up looking a bit ridiculous in them. Others she simply doesn’t like them, which everyone has their own sense of what they want and like, so I can’t fault her for it. I’m going to talk to some people I know at other companies and see what they have as far as suggestions…” He paused seeing Kellin give him a look. “What?”

“Isn’t it obvious? You know what she likes and what would look good on her. Why don’t you just design her dress?”

Oli sputtered, his brain grinding to a halt. “Me?!”

“Yes you! Mr. Clothing Line Designer!”

He tried to get his jaw working as his brain slowly came back up to speed. “I- no way. I design shirt…pants…jumpers…a wedding dress is a whole different ball game!”

“But you know what she likes! You know all about materials and stuff. Just draw it out and see what Jordan says. I bet he’d love it!”

Oli looked at Kellin’s bright and hopeful eyes for a moment. “Really? You think she’d like that?”

The soft smile that settled on Kellin’s lips made his blue eyes look like they could see through to Oli’s soul. He had missed that look. “She would love it. Just don’t tell Vic. Do a couple sketches, make a few drafts, and we can invite her by a day to see them and make sure she likes one or two before we make them.”

Letting the words settle in him, he returned Kellin’s soft gaze. “Have I told you lately that I love you? Because I do.”

Kellin grinned back and settled into the pillow, giving Oli a whiff of his conditioner again. “I can’t help that you love a genius.”

Smirking back Oli settled as well and murmured, “A humble one too.”

The leaves turned brilliant as they died, the change coming with brisk winds and sunny, cool, dry days. Oli had taken to wearing his new dark blue pea coat with the toggles, which Kellin adored on him. Pumpkin spice lattes could be smelled throughout the office, though Oli preferred the hot cider that Kellin brought back from the local cider mill, along with donuts that were soft, fresh, and cake-like with all the right spices.

Vic spent a day with them, Kellin running ideas by him for the bachelor party, while Oli crushed them multiple times at Mario cart.

Every day after work, Oli would spend an hour or two drafting Rachel’s dress, researching materials and working and re-working designs. He wanted her to like it, and wanted it to be perfect, right down to the beading work. Kellin would stick with him, playing around on Jordan’s computer with solitaire since his own work was done, and everyone else had gone home as he waited for Oli. The taller boy appreciated it more than he could say, Kellin’s presence calm and comforting despite Oli getting frustrated with his own designs once in awhile.

The weather turned cold and rainy eventually, the leaves creating a slippery mess on the ground, and leaving Kellin no choice but to get a new car. Together they settled on a jeep, much like Vic’s, putting both their names on it since they could share it for the winter.

Kellin had never realized how long it took, sitting at the dealership and whatnot to purchase a car, and with the rain pouring down, he was elated to finally be home that evening. He watched as the other headed to the kitchen after shrugging out of his wet jacket.

“I’ll make us some quesadillas to celebrate,” Oli offered. “Might make myself a cup of cider too.”

Shrugging his own off, Kellin joined him and chimed in, “Make one for me too. I’ll grab the chips and salsa. There’s a horror movie marathon on FX…” His voice trailed off as he headed into the family room with the chips and a bowl of salsa, nearly bouncing at having a new car.

After watching Kellin’s back retreat, he got to work on their quesadillas, one of Kellin’s favorites. Making Kellin’s with leftover chicken, he made his own with onions and cheese and brought them in with two mugs of cider, steaming merrily as Oli set them down on their coasters. Kellin had dimmed the lights and Oli didn’t recognize the movie that was starting until the title of ‘The Exorcist’ flashed onto the screen.

Settling quietly into the movie, Oli ate his quesadilla next to Kellin who devoured his. He had never pegged Kellin as a horror film fan, but he shrugged it off, sipping his cider. He supposed that the movie might have scared him a year ago, but after going through what he had this summer, it didn’t seem remotely scary. In fact he was just about to quip so to Kellin when he caught the other pulling the blanket over himself looking scared. Was he really afraid of such a ridiculous movie?

To be fair, Oli didn’t like thunderstorms, so he supposed he couldn’t fault Kellin for being afraid of the movie. He watched the light of the television cast shadows across his boyfriend’s pale skin as he warred with himself. He sat for several minutes, going back and forth, bolstering his courage and then talking himself out of it. This went on for some time until he saw Kellin visibly jump and look for something to grab. He looked like he wanted Oli to hold him, but checked the impulse and went for a pillow instead. That was the line in the sand.

Without another thought, and wanting only to comfort Kellin, he reached over and took his warm hand in Oli’s cool one.

Kellin wasn’t sure how Oli’s hand suddenly ended up in his, but when he realized it, he quickly looked to the hazel eyed boy in question. The gorgeous, sculpted face watched the TV in forced passiveness, and Kellin could tell he knew that the ebony haired boy had his hand, and was ok with it. After not being able to touch his boyfriend in months, he held on for dear life, never wanting to let go. The movie, which had once made him want to crawl out of his skin, faded, replaced with hope that Oli was coming back to him. The delicate, beautiful, inked fingers settled in his and Kellin rememorized them, desperately wishing that Oli would not let go, and not go back to the reclusive shell he had built up around himself since the incident.

But eventually the movie ended and Oli extricated his hand as if it were no big deal and went to clean up the dishes as he yawned. Going to shower, Kellin spent the time building up the courage to mention it, ask him for the hand back, and steeled himself, coming out to find Oli changing and getting ready for bed, setting their alarm on the night stand. Kellin’s hands slowed as he dried his hair, his mouth going dry and he watched the narrow strong back move beneath the this shirt, desperately missing his lover.

Once dressed he slipped into the silky sheets and looked tentatively to Oli, who was checking his phone one last time.

“Oli?”

“Hm?” He didn’t look away from his phone. Somehow that made it easier to ask.

“Do you think…maybe…I could…um…hold your hand…? Again?”

At this Oli glanced at him, as if surprised at the question, his hazel eyes searching Kellin’s pleading ones for several moments, before a hand is slowly presented to him. Grinning, as if Christmas for the next three years had come early, quickly grabbed the hand and settled down. “Thank you. I love you.”

Giving him a soft look before reaching over and dashing the light, he answered, “Love you too. Sure you’re alright with it?”

“Of course I am. I’ve missed you. I may never let go of this hand again.”

He heard a soft scoff in the darkness. “Alright, if you’re sure. Goodnight…”

“G‘night.” It wasn’t a kiss, but for now it would do.

“If you don’t hurry up in there, we’re going to be late!” Oli called through the bathroom door to his boyfriend, and adjusted his floral suit. A precious crown of fake flowers and pearls was perched delicately in his chocolate curls, and he tried to wait patiently for Kellin to finish his makeup for his Hades costume which matched his own Persephone. He already had a draft of Rachel’s dress in the car, but was nervous about showing her, hoping she didn’t hate it.

Finally Kellin emerged, and Oli felt his breath catch. He was wearing a handsome dark blue suit, and the tips of his tendril hair was also blue. His face was pale, and he had smudged a little bit of eyeliner around his eyes that brought out their azure, and much like watching Kellin swim, this made Oli want. It reminded him that he missed touching Kellin, but then his thoughts eventually wandered close to the rabbit hole of why he wasn’t all over Kellin at the moment. He couldn’t soil the gorgeous figure before him with his tainted touch.

“What? Is the eyeliner too much…?” Kellin asked him curiously, looking at Oli’s mouth agape.

“huh? Of course not! No…no it looks brilliant! I was just- I mean I just was admiring it. You look amazing.” A soft smile came to his lips, reminded of how lucky he was to have someone as attractive as kellin. And not just on the outside. Kellin had been with him every step of the way and showed no signs of wanting to leave, even though Oli was ruined for him. No, he was ecstatic to hold Oli’s hand now, and took every opportunity to do so. When they lay in bed at night, when they brushed their teeth, driving to work, walking into work, at breakfast, lunch, and dinner; every time he was near, Kellin seemed to take solace in being able to hold Oli’s hand, and while reluctant at first, he recognized Kellin’s need to touch him, and soon he was comfortable with it again. It was as easy as breathing after a week or two.

“Good. You look pretty amazing yourself. Especially with the flower crown.” He took Oli’s hand again and they headed out to the car, putting Luna’s vest on and bringing her with. “I remember when you made a flower crown for me. We were picking apples and waiting for Rachel and Vic, and you made one and put it on my head and took a picture…”

Oli slid into the side seat, letting Kellin drive. “Oh yeah! I remember that. I think I still have that picture somewhere…”

Kellin smiled fondly as he pulled out onto the road.” Yeah… I remember it because it was then that I realized that I didn’t just like you- I loved you. Still do too. But something about putting those flowers on your head, your laugh, the way the sun hit your eyes and curls, I knew I’d never be the same again.”

The words made Oli blush and look out the window, having not realized how much that moment meant to Kellin. A small happy fire lit in him, fueled by Kellin’s devotion.

“Of course we’ve matured a bit since then. Been through a lot.”

The taller boy gave a chuckle. “A lot is an understatement…”

Kellin took his hand again, holding it as he drove, and gave a soft chuckle as well. “Yeah…but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

“Really? You wouldn’t trade it for something…I don’t know…quieter?”

“Not in a million years.” He gave the hand a squeeze. “You’re worth all of it. Don’t forget it.”

“You sound so wet…” Oli teased gently, though secretly adored it when Kellin reminded him how much he was loved by him. Who wouldn’t?

“Which brings me to another point, that if you feel uncomfortable at all tonight, just let me know and we’ll go home. Rachel and Vic get it.”

“I know, but I don’t think they invited too too many people. Should be alright.”

“Still. I know how much you hate crowds. So if you’re getting overwhelmed, just say so and we’ll come straight home.”

“Well hopefully having you and Luna there will help. Besides, I know how much you and Vic love Halloween.”

This had been true ever since Oli had met Vic and Kellin. They usually did duo costumes, but the past couple years they had done couples’ costumes with their significant Others. Last year Kellin had been a siren, and Oli a sailor. This year they were Hades and Persephone.

Vic and Rachel had invited a few friends from each other their work places, and Oli instantly recognized Mat and Vegan, as well as Tony and Jaime from the delivery and photography teams. Rachel had invited some teacher friends, but thankfully the apartment wasn’t too crowded.

Vic was dressed as Perseus, Rachel as Andromeda, but it was the former who answered the door. “Hey! There’s the power couple!”

“Oh shit we gotta behave now, the boss is here,” Jaime teased, hovering with Tony by the charcuterie board with what looked like a human head on it. Upon closer inspection it was simply a store skull wrapped in prosciutto with olives for the eyes.

Kellin put a hand up. “What happens at the apartment, stays at the apartment.”

Tony gave a smile, glad to see his boss out and about again. “Phew. We’re safe then.”

Glancing at them with a half smile, Oli then looked to Vic. “Where’s Rachel?”

“She’s finishing setting up the punch. Why? Gonna steal my fiancé?” he joked.

Oli stuck his tongue out a little and rolled his eyes, holding up an opaque plastic bag with a hanger sticking out of it. “I have a surprise for her.”

“She’s right in there…” Vic nodded to the living room.

Kellin looked to Oli and gave his hand a squeeze. “Want me to go help you with it baby?”

At this the floral boy shook his head. “Nah. I can do this. You enjoy for a bit and save me some of the crackers…”

Giving him a proud look, Kellin gave his hand a squeeze, patted Luna’s head and joined the other men hanging by the food. Oli found Rachel just finishing pouring the cheap champagne into the bowl of punch with a hand rising out of the glistening, effervescent red liquid.

Turning to him, she grinned seeing his outfit. “Nice costume! It suits you…” For her own part she was dressed in dark blue with the andromeda constellation creatively fashioned onto her, and silver stars pulling back her now dark blue hair.

“Thanks. You too…aww even Luna is dressed up!”

“Oh yeah. She’s supposed to be Hades’ three headed hell hound…”

“Cute! But what’s with the bag?”

“Oh! Um, this is for you, but I need to show it to you in private. Can I show it to you in the bedroom?”

Raising a good natured eyebrow, she nodded the way, even though he knew from being there plenty of times, and followed her into the little bedroom she and Vic shared. “So? What is it?”

Oli carefully shut the door behind him and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. “Well I know you’d had some issues finding a dress, and I was going to contact some other friends I have in the industry, but then Kellin came up with what he thought was a good idea: I should design and make your dress.”

Both her eyebrows flew up to her hairline. “You designed a dress for me?”

He looked away and shrugged. “If you don’t like it, we can keep looking, but I thought I would at least try,” he explained, handing her the bag.

Carefully she opened it and he watcher her eyes widen. “Oh…Oli…”

Revealed was a gorgeous mermaid style dress with small cape sleeves in purest white until the material splayed out and it was if the bottom had been dipped in gorgeous dark tie dye the color of the sunset as it descended to the edges. Oli had spent many an evening putting it together, and was rather proud with how it came out. “I figured it had the best of both worlds. It would help you look taller, and it has some classic elements for your family but that bottom is-“

Suddenly his breath stopped as small arms wrapped around him. She was hugging him. As his brain registered her sudden touch, it also registered that he wasn’t immediately afraid either, and he relaxed slightly.

As if his relaxation brought her to her senses she let go and stepped back. “I’m so sorry Oli! I didn’t mean to-“

“-it’s ok.” Luna put her head under his hand. “I was just surprised. Not scared. Anyway, I’m glad you like it. If you want that to be your dress, you just need you to stop by the studio a day and I can pin it and fit it to you.”

She grinned at him, and it warmed Oli to see her so happy. “Absolutely! We’ll just have to have Kellin occupy Vic for a bit.”

“That shouldn’t be too hard,” he answered, “Those two are like peas in a pod anyway. Finally got them to stop pranking Jordan.”

Rachel laughed behind a hand as she followed him out. “Yeah, Vic told me that he nearly pissed himself when you lit into him and Kellin. I would have paid to have been there.”

“Yeah, makes me wish I had video taped the whole thing.”

Returning to the party, he sat on the couch next to Kellin, Luna laying at his feet while the former took his hand again and handed him a plate of vegetarian snacks. The party itself, his first outing with more than just Kellin in months, was not bad. It was low key, no one got drunk, and he got to watch Kellin win multiple games of Cards Against Humanity.

Even though it was good, Oli was still happy to return home, Oskar jumping up and down and zipping around Luna’s legs as they walked in. Kellin took off his coat and pulled his phone from his pocket, and Oli caught his frown as he stared at it. “Everything ok?”

“My mom called me a bunch. Lemme just call her quick. I’m sure it’s nothing…”

“Ok…I’m going to go wipe this makeup off,” Oli said, walking to their bedroom and shedding his fancy clothes in favor of his pajama bottoms and a soft t-shirt he liked to sleep in. After washing his face and removing the flower crown he returned to find Kellin sitting at their breakfast nook, his face white as a sheet and troubled. “Ok…ok…yeah…we’ll drive over first thing in the morning…ok…I will…Love you too.” With that he hung up and stared at his phone, his face slowly cracking like thin ice.

“Kellin? Love? What is it?” Oli was immediately on high alert, crouching down in front of Kellin and peering up into his face.

The raven-haired boy seemed to just notice Oli there, and the deep blue eyes flicked to him. “I…I…my Nana…she…she had a stroke this afternoon. They…they don’t think she’ll make it. They’re just…making her comfortable now…” At this Kellin’s eyes glistened his tears and then began to overflow like a poorly constructed dam, dragging the eyeliner in rivulets down his cheeks.

Oli’s brow furrowed, remembering the first time he had met Kellin’s Nana. She was a short, sweet woman who had been delighted at his accent, pinched his cheeks and told him that he needed to eat more. She had subsequently spent every major holiday with the family that Oli had been present for, and she continued to be so sweet and kind to him. How would the world cope with losing such a gentle soul? “Did you want to drive back tonight? I can pack the dogs and we can go…”

Kellin shook his head and his voice cracked. “I told mom we’d leave first thing tomorrow morning.”

“You sure?”

Kellin nodded, and then his face broke completely, sobs bubbling up. Oli wanted to- no needed!- to do something to comfort him. Recalling earlier in the evening how Rachel’s hug hadn’t scared him, he reached for the other boy’s hands, guiding him to the bedroom. Tentatively, as if touching fine china, he helped kellin change into comfortable clothes between the sobs, and then once he had the bed’s comforter down, pulled Kellin into his arms as he rested his back on the propped up pillows in order to let him cry. The blue eyes blinked at him for a moment, confused, given he hadn’t been held like this in months.

“It’s alright. Just let it out…” Oli gently commanded him.

With the permission Kellin embraced him, holding onto Oli for dear life while the tattooed arms encircled the strong and lithe body. He ran his hand up and down Kellin’s back and in circles, finally beginning to hum a little bit.

_I'll see you at the gates when it gets dark, You jump the wall, I'll find a place to park, Cue the angels if they're keeping guard, How do I start? When you don't know what to say?,No, I don't know what to say…_

The Funeral was that Thursday. A chilly, freezing rain drizzled down as Kellin helped several others bear the woman’s casket down the grey church steps and into the hearse. He then got in the car with Oli and silently they followed the long string of cars behind as they snaked through the soggy streets. Oli held the black umbrella as the kindly pastor read some words while the body was lowered into the ground. Kellin held steadfastly onto his arm. Throughout the morning a tear escaped here or there, but Kellin had done most of his crying the night he had called his mother, and now that he was back with his family, he did his best to be strong as his mother fell apart.

For most of the week Oli felt out of place. Privately he grieved the kind woman, but it was strange to watch this sort of loss from the outside. He didn’t know what he could do for them to ease it. What he did know was that he would stick with Kellin every step of the way. Now that he was becoming comfortable with hugs again, Kellin would lay with him at night, pressed against him as if Oli were his only port in the storm. In a way he supposed Kellin had missed being able to do this, given how tactile he was. Part of him was relieved to able to do this again as well, as if he had been building it up to be this terrible, scary thing in his mind, sure that Kellin would be repulsed after awhile, but after a few nights realized that wasn’t the case. Kellin stuck to him like a burr on a blanket, and Oli supposed that was perhaps what both of them needed.

“So you want us to come there?” Ms. Quinn asked as she undid her hair from the bobby pins as she walked through the kitchen in her high heels, still fresh from the funeral. Food that didn’t need to be refrigerated was heaped onto the counter, and both Luna and Oskar followed people through the kitchen hoping for dropped spoils.

“Yeah,” Kellin answered, shrugging off the black sport coat that Oli had bought for him last year. He always looked so handsome in a suit. “Oli and I figured we could have both our families. You could bring pops and Jeff, and then Tom and Ms. Sykes could come. And then for Christmas we’ll come back here and spend Christmas morning with you, and then go over to Oli’s for the afternoon. That ok?”

“We thought it would be good to have a fresh place for you to cook…might be easier…” Oli added, trying to infer that they had her best interests in mind.

“Let me think about it boys.”

“That’s all we ask,” Kellin said, nibbling at the grapes in the lovely fruit basket someone had sent.

“Are you sure you need to go back this afternoon?”

“I have an interview tomorrow with a magazine,” Oli offered. “Otherwise we would stay. I told Kellin that he could stay a few extra days if he wanted but…” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“As if I’m leaving you by yourself ever,” Kellin frowned at him.

Ms. Quinn blinked as it once again dawned on her what a traumatic summer the two boys had had. “Right. Of course.” She seemed to clear her head. “Well like I said, I’ll think about it.”

Kellin then gave her a soft smile and a deep hug. “I’m gonna go get changed before we drive home.”

Oli watched him go and saw her eyes turn to him. “How are you doing hun? I see Kellin is able to touch you now.”

He shifted on his feet, looking away. “That’s a recent development. My psychiatrist thinks I’m doing well though. Having Kellin…helps. A lot. He seems to know what I need before I need it sometimes. I’m just going to go get changed quick too.”

Disappearing momentarily to the bathroom he put an old pair of jeans on with a shirt and hoodie, feeling worn out from all the socializing he’d had to do over the past few days. He just wanted to go home and lay with Kellin and their dogs for the rest of the day and not deal with anything else.

Once they were in the jeep he let Kellin drive while he curled up on the side seat, hood up and feeling drained. Kellin reached over and took his hand. “Tired?”

“A bit yeah. How’re you feeling?”

“The eulogy was rough, but she had so many people who loved her. I’m glad you thought to invite both our families for thanksgiving. I think it will give my mom something to focus on rather than missing her.”

Oli gave him a small tiny smile at that. “Yeah…and my mom will distract her too.”

“True.” Kellin drove, rubbing his hand absently, and Oli took the time to appreciate how lovely Kellin’s hands were, and always so much warmer than his own. “Want to stop by Wendy’s for dinner? I’m feeling spicy chicken sandwich.”

Not feeling particularly hungry, and more so sluggish, Oli shrugged. “We can if you like. I’ll just have some chips or a frosty…”

At this Kellin frowned at him, brow furrowing. “You ok? You’re not getting sick on me, are you?”

Oli shook his head. Physically he felt alright. Mentally he felt…drained. “No. Just a lot of socializing the past couple days…shaking people’s hands…making small talk…blah.”

A knowing look came onto Kellin’s face which Oli didn’t seem to quite grasp. He stopped quickly at the drive through and got himself dinner as well as Oli some fries, turning up their street a while after he had finished the fries Oli didn’t want. Oli extricated himself from the car but it seemed to take effort, and while Kellin grabbed the suitcases, the taller boy ushered the dogs to the lawn to pee and then inside.

“I’m gonna run you a bath ok?”

“But we gotta unpack and feed the dogs and-“

“Shhhh…I’ll take care of that. You took care of me the past few days. Let me get this.”

Frowning, still a bit confused, Oli followed him to the master bath, which Kellin filled and put his favorite bath salts in. “I’ll go feed the dogs and be right back. You get in and get comfy.”

Without a word, Oli obeyed and slipped into the hot, murky water which smelled now of Lavender and pine. The warm water soothed, and Oli sighed as he fully sank in. What was Kellin doing? He’s the one who had lost his grandmother. Shouldn’t he be the one in the bath?

“Ok, dogs are fed. Want me to wash your hair? I know it might help you feel good. You can say yes or no.”

Oli looked at him, considering it. Flashes of Jona grabbing his curls and slamming his head into the ground flitted through his mind. But maybe if Kellin did it…

“Maybe try? I might have to finish but I’d like you to try,” Oli whispered, playing gently with the murky water. “I remember doing this for you several years ago in Edinburgh…”

As if relieved to be able to, Kellin rinsed his hair and then began to tenderly massage the shampoo in. There was nothing sexual or demanding about it. The act was loving and caring in a very deep sense. Kellin’s fingers wound through his wet curls, behind his ears, down his midline to his neck, working in the suds and then rinsing, only to repeat with the conditioner. He then gently washed Oli’s exposed back, tracing the nine scars from one of the worst beatings of his life, and then rinsing that as well. It was as if he were washing everything bad that had happened to him, all the horrible people who had touched him, away, leaving him finally fresh and clean, ready to be loved again. Oli had spent countless baths scrubbing at his own skin, trying to burn away their touch, but it seemed only Kellin could do it in the end.

“I’ll let you wash the rest of you, and I’ll pull some fresh pajamas out for us,” Kellin announced and stood. Soon Oli pulled the plug, dried himself, and slipped on the soft pajama bottoms and t-shirt as well as his favorite hoodie of Kellin’s on. The blue-eyed boy was already in bed reading Slaughterhouse Five again, after letting the dogs out one last time, and gave him a soft smile as Oli pulled the hood up. Without being summoned, Oli crawled in next to him and exhaustedly lay his head on kellin’s thigh. While he continued to read, Kellin absently scratched Oli’s back, and he could feel a level of normalcy return.

“Thank you…didn’t even realize I was feeling low…” Oli whispered.

“Good thing there are two of us in this relationship then,” Kellin softly chuckled.

“Love you,” Oli yawned and nestled against the thigh, curled up tiredly against Kellin’s legs.

“Love you too.”

“Don’t some people get mad when you decorate for Christmas early?”

Kellin looked over at his gorgeous boyfriend from where he brought another box of Christmas lights into the living room. The taller boy was stretching up, placing the garland above the entryway where Kellin had directed him to. Christmas was his second favorite holiday after Halloween, and after proclaiming that there was no reason to make a big deal about his birthday, as Kellin tried every year, he finally roped Oli into helping him decorate early this year on it. Of course he had a few surprises for him as well, but those could wait.

“Grinches Oli, only grinches hate early decorators. Besides, everyone knows thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years all get lumped into one big season,” he explained, checking the box and seeing Christmas tree ornaments, and setting them with the others.

Long lean legs in ripped skinny jeans brought Oli back up, the rolled-up sleeves of his flannel shirt exposing the colors and scars on his skin, including the burn from the fire which had finally just finished healing. The white and crinkled fragile skin interrupting the solid dark indigo of the sleeve. In awhile they would be able to go correct it if Oli wanted to, but for now Kellin was glad to have him here, whole, and helping him put up Christmas decorations.

“Ah well I’d hate to be one of those then…” Oli chuckled softly and pulled out more garland to wrap around the railing.

“Don’t worry, I would never let you be one.”

“Well that’s a relief.”

“Come help me decorate the tree baby?”

“Of course love,” Oli answered, giving him a soft smile and setting the garland down in favor of the tree they had picked out earlier that morning.

Kellin grinned at him, leading the way over to the big Frasier fir they and the dogs had picked out at the lot that morning. After getting it in the stand and opened and letting it breathe as well as shaking the excess snow off and cleaning it, not to mention keep Oskar from peeing on it multiple times, it was finally ready to decorate. Turning he suddenly found the two dogs watching him excitedly, but Oli missing, and he frowned. “Oli? Baby?”

Suddenly the soft crooning of Perry Como filtered into the room as Oli brought his laptop into the living room and set it on the table. “Thought we might need some atmosphere.”

Grinning like a love sick fool, Kellin so badly wanted to kiss him. “Good choice. Let’s start with the lights…” Over the next couple hours, the tree became a work of art. Multi-colored twinkling lights were wrapped tastefully around, and ornaments of every kind, from gold and red baubles, to personal ones they had collected through the years were hung tastefully with a brilliant star on top. Throughout the gentle Christmas music played in the background, and just as Oli stepped off the foot stool from hanging the last ornament, Kellin took his hands, gently guiding him close and beginning to dance with him.

At this Oli gave him a good humored look. “You know I still suck at this right?”

“I recall someone stripping the willow with me while wearing a kilt…”

Oli’s hazel eyes were soft and affectionate as they watched him, full of adoration as they slowly twirled about the living room. Even after the years of being with one another, their love maturing with time, it was little things like this that gave Kellin the sensation of falling in love with Oliver all over again. Slowly they came to a stop under the hallway frame, and Kellin looked up from where his head rested on Oli’s shoulder to see the mistletoe and giggled softly, knowing Oli wasn’t ready for that yet and went to draw away. A warm hand on his hip held Kellin in place however, another inked perfection tucking his stray raven locks behind an ear while those amber eyes held him down, and finally sweet lips pressing against his own.

Kellin could have cried. He had waited so long for Oli to be comfortable with kissing him again. As such he didn’t want to ruin it by rushing, instead letting the taller boy set the pace, moving with him in a long lost dance. By the time they broke apart, his eyes felt wet.

“Sorry, you alright love?”

Instead of answering him, Kellin simply leaned back up and kissed him again. “I missed you so much.”

Oli blushed a bit and looked away. “Sorry it’s taken me so l-“

Kellin hushed him with another soft kiss. “Shush. You have no idea how proud I am of you.”

At this Oli seemed confused, so Kellin explained, “I always have been. I’ve told you before how proud I am of you working through all that shit with your dad, through your depression, anxiety, and now this. You’ve been through so much, and you’ve never let it affect how you treat others. You’re so kind, and sweet, and caring, not to mention handsome. You’ve dealt with so much cruelty, but you’ve never become cruel yourself, never taken it out on anyone else. And you have no idea how proud I am of you every. Single. day.” He emphasized the last three words with three small kisses. “I know it’s hard, but I would wait as long as I had to, to do this again.”

A sweet smile spread across Oli’s lips, and he opened his mouth to say something when there was a knock at the door. His face faltered, but Kellin smirked. “One of your birthday presents is here…”

Frowning, Oli followed him to the top of the stairs while Kellin went down the few and answered the door.

“UNCLE OLOBER!!” A rocket of blue winter jacket and golden curls catapulted up the stairs and straight into Oli’s arms as he grinned, lifting the child.

“’ello Eliot!” He laughed as the gap toothed grin peered back from under his hood.

“Eliot you tracked snow in!” Jordan called to his son, Emma coming in with Eden behind him.

“Why don’t we get your boot and coat off and then you can pet Luna,” Oli suggested, watching the bright blue eyes track the white dog while Oskar hid under the loveseat at the commotion. Eliot babbled at him as he helped to remove the outerwear. Jordan coming up holding several aluminum trays that Oli guessed were full of food.

“Happy Birthday,” he said, giving Oli his usual pleasant smile.

“Thanks…who spilled the beans?”

“Kellin. He caught me in the office this past week. He knew Vic and Rachel were going out to try a restaurant for the rehearsal dinner, but he thought you’d like someone at the party besides just him and he knows how much you love Eliot and Eden…” Jordan replied, setting the aluminum dishes on the counter.

“Did he tell you I don’t really celebrate my birthday?”

Jordan gave him an exasperated look. “Given that I’ve worked with you for four years and you have yet to tell me when it is, I’m not surprised.”

Eliot, now free of a jacket and boots and gloves hopped right back up into Oli’s arms. “Happy Birfday Uncle Olober! I made you a card!”

“Did you now?” Oli replied, looking suitably impressed and surprised.

Kellin gave a soft smile as he carried Eden up at the sight of Oli and Eliot, the little boy determined to show Oli his hand drawn card. Emma was soon back in the door after running out to get the Victoria sponge cake that Kellin had asked her to make. The food, which Kellin had given Jordan money to go get, was from Oli’s favorite Indian restaurant.

“How is he doing?” Emma asked quietly as Jordan took Eden over to where Oli and Eliot were, she staying behind to help Kellin set up the food while it was still hot.

“Better. He’s getting there. Today we made real progress because he kissed me, which he hasn’t done since before,” Kellin answered in the same muted tone.

Emma smiled and gave him a hopeful look. “That’s wonderful. I’ve been so worried about the both of you, and so has Jordan. He said he couldn’t imagine what either of you are going through, and what he would do if something like that ever happened to me.”

Blushing a little, Kellin shrugged, “We just take it a day at a time. Some things are still too much for him yet, but I don’t love him any less. In fact, I feel like I love him more, if that’s possible. We’ve been through so much together at this point, feels like nothing can tear us apart. I’m always going to want to be there for him, and with him.”

At this she chuckled, “Sounds like someone’s ready to propose…”

Kellin scoffed as he arranged the naan bread on a plate. “I am…and I want to. I just don’t know if he’s ready for that yet. And I don’t know how I’d do it either. What did Jordan do for you?”

She smiled fondly as she poured the drinks. “Oh, he took me out to our favorite restaurant, and we were talking and he wanted to know if he could have my opinion with something. I of course said ‘yes’, and he slid the little box across the table and said, ‘what do you think about this?’. It was perfect, and so us.”

Kellin couldn’t help but grin as well.

“What’s got you buzzin’?” Oli asked gently as he came over with Eliot.

“Oh Emma was just telling me how Jordan proposed to her is all,” He grinned, which made Oli blushed, and caused the taller man to change the subject.

“This smells so good…”

“I should hope so,” Jordan chuckled. “Kellin said it was your favorite Indian takeaway…”

Grinning Oli finished getting the bowls out for them. “Well then I should probably enjoy it while it’s warm since you went to so much trouble to bring it…”

Soon they were sitting at the table enjoying Matar Paneer, daal, naan, and vegetable curry. “Kellin has a habit of forcing me to celebrate my birthday.”

“What do you mean?” Jordan cocked his head. “You don’t celebrate otherwise?”

At this Oli shrugged. “Pre-kellin I never celebrated it, but over the past few years, Kellin has insisted so…”

“Of course I insisted. As my mom says: If you don’t celebrate your birthday, you’re dead.”

At this Emma and Jordan chuckled, the latter turning and wiping Eliot’s face of curry since he insisted on feeding himself.

“He gets me a Victoria sponge cake every year too,” Oli added, taking a last bite of rice.

Jordan’s bright blue eyes swept to him. “Well I can get on board with that. I miss the UK sometimes…”

“Yeah, I miss hobnobs the most…”

“Really? They’re one of my favorites too,” Jordan sighed.

Rolling his eyes Kellin stood. “I’ll get the cake…”

The rest of the evening was pleasant and sweet, especially with Eliot falling asleep while Oli held him. After thanking them again, and helping them carry some left overs and sleeping children to the car Oli came back in to see Kellin holding a little box. “Love, you didn’t need to get me anything else.”

Kellin pouted. “I always get you something. Now open it,” he gently commanded.

Taking the little box he leaned against the counter, unwrapping the haphazard newspaper job and finding a box. Opening it, he didn’t notice his mouth open a bit in awe. “My bracelet…that I lost when…”

Kellin didn’t want him to think about that at all today. “Read the inscription. I changed it a little.”

Oli found the metal portion which gripped the leather, and the side facing him had roses upon it, but when he flipped it he could read the words. “’He who has a why to live, can bear almost any how’,” he spoke quietly, and gave a small smile, tentatively leaning over and kissing the corner of Kellin’s lips. “Thank-you love. It’s perfect.”

The grin on Kellin’s face was worth every cloudy day, and Oli could not believe he had made it this far after months of struggle. Hopefully he would continue to improve and rise up beyond what had been done to him.

“Here, let me help you put it on,” Kellin insisted, fastening the material around Oli’s thin, colorful wrist. “Your burns are healed…”

“Yeah,” Oli answered, Kellin’s softly spicy scent filling his nostrils with his proximity. “I’ll fill it in properly next summer,” he yawned.

“C’mon,” Kellin gently tugged at his wrist. We can take care of the dishes tomorrow. Let’s go get in bed.”

“I can get behind that,” Oli answered, following Kellin obediently down the hall and to their safe silken nest.

Thanksgiving was through faster than sonic the hedgehog through Green Hill Zone. Somehow no one had a melt down, which surprised Oli, considering how their two families weren’t exactly the most compatible. Ms. Quinn came early with Jeff and Pops and began making dinner with Kellin’s help, the new environment helping her get through it without an excess of tears, though her eyes looked suspiciously wet when she made the stuffing. Oli’s mother came with store bought mashed potatoes, which actually were not bad, and Kellin was glad his mother didn’t raise hell about it. It was hard to be ruffled when Ms. Sykes and Tom were taking copious amounts of allergy medications to even be in the house with the two dogs.

They even got a surprise.

“You really want us to come with you?” Kellin asked as he ate his second piece of pie, chocolate being his favorite.

His mother gave him a soft smile. “We thought it might be good for you and Oli. Get away from it all for a bit. We know it’s been a rough year, and with helping Vic and Rachel and everything else, you two deserve a break.”

At this Oli joined them, still nibbling at the slice of pumpkin pie on his plate. “Where did you want to go?”

“Well Jeff is looking into renting an RV and going around Arizona and California. See some of the southwest.”

“I’ve never been there yet, except for Los Angeles,” Oli added. “And it was for a business trip so I didn’t get to explore.”

“February is usually quiet at work too…”

“That sounds perfect then,” his mother concluded. “I’ll send you the details when we get them so you boys can arrange your schedules.”

This was not hard to do. Vic would be back from his honeymoon to the Bahamas by then, so he could take on Kellin’s work. Jordan too found it perfect, emphasizing that Oli needed a break and to get out of town for a bit.

For his own part, Oli had never been camping, and despite taking walks on the trail outside Sheffield or in Peak District, he had never really been prone to seek out nature for healing. After the wedding shower, however, he decided it couldn’t come fast enough.

The day of the wedding shower was frozen and miserable. A drizzling icy rain fell from the sky, and one could see their breath in the air, creating a sort of damp atmosphere that chilled one to the bones. Oli dressed in his grey peacoat with the bone toggles as he helped unload the last of the things from Rachel’s Aunt’s vehicle and into the restaurant. It was a brunch shower in a chic restaurant in downtown Detroit that made delicious chicken and waffles.

“Thanks so much you two!” Rachel grinned as she took a break from mollifying her mother for the umpteenth time.

Oli gave her a small smile while Kellin hoisted up the last box. “It’s no problem. At least Vic will be here to help put it all into the car, right?”

Rachel plucked a few streamers out of the box. “Yeah, I promised him some chicken and waffles. Just let me know if you need a break and there a courtyard out back. My cousin is adoring Luna though- good luck getting her back.” She twirled in her bright blue outfit, her hair streaked with shades of pink currently.

Following Oli in, Kellin set his box down, where it was pounced upon by several cousins and aunts, and then found his boyfriend who was extricating his dog back, wanting to give him a break before the party guests really arrived. “Think we should get out of the w-“

“Kellin! Would you and Oli help hand these streamers?” Mrs. Fuentes interrupted. And just like that they were sucked in to setting up the tables of gifts, hanging the balloons and streamers, and busy until the guests arrived and Kellin and Oli took their smaller table in the back.

“You doing ok baby?” Kellin inquired, thinking Oli looked a little pale, though it could just be the odd hanging Edison lights.

The taller man shot him a small smile though. “I’m alright. Perfect time for a break.”

The space wasn’t exactly large, but it accommodated all the cousins, sisters, aunts, and Vic came over to check on them shortly before it began. “Hey thanks for helping. I had to do some things at the house this morning…”

Happy for Vic, Kellin just claps him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. We were here. Now…we eating first?”

“Yeah like I would let them do otherwise. Did you guys get the casserole or the chicken and waffles?”

“I got the chicken and waffles, and Oli is getting the enchilada egg casserole. It was nice that Rachel had some vegetarian choices.”

“Well she wasn’t about to let Oli starve,” Vic chuckled. “She has a few cousins who are vegetarian too.”

“Well thank her anyway. Oh looks like we’re starting…” Oli added, holding Kellin’s hand and petting Luna, before Rachel’s mother called attention, letting people know that food would be passed out shortly. The food was set out, and Kellin watched as Oli tried not to let the people leaning over him get to him. It tasted pretty good, but by the time Kellin had finished his, Oli was only halfway through his casserole.

“Does it taste ok?”

“huh? Oh, yeah. I’m just not terribly hungry,” Oli answered, almost surprised at the quiet question, the other occupants of their table chattering through the meal. It was then that Kellin should have known to leave, should have gotten Oli out of there. But he failed.

Brunch moved into games, punctuated by opening presents (of which Oli and Kellin had gotten them several things on their register, including brightly colored mixing bowls, bed sheets, a comforter, and a gift card), and for the most part, the games were easy and fun, individual things, until they played ‘Find the Guest’. It was a simple game, hints on a sheet to break the ice and find out which guest had known the bride the longest, who was the best man, which aunt grew prize winning roses, and of course, who was a fashion designer. Being the tallest and most interesting person in the room, the guests swamped Oli, and Kellin was just about to make them form a line when Oli grabbed his wrist like he might break it. Looking back at his boyfriend, the sharp cheeks were very pale, and his eyes panicked. Luna was pushing Oli’s legs back to get him out of the crowd.

“Oli?”

“Get…get me out of here…might…throwup…”

The choked words caused Kellin to bust into action, and he tried to make the other guests step back, but they didn’t understand what was happening. “MOVE!” he finally shouted, quieting many, the gaggle of guests scattering out of the way like disturbed hens as Kellin pulled his boyfriend through them and out into the courtyard where the taller boy promptly through up in a few large potted mums. Feeling terrible for him, Kellin rubbed his back, murmuring soothingly, “It’s alright…we’re outside now…that’s it…just breathe…”

Rachel, to her credit, ran out with Vic. “I told them we shouldn’t play that game! Oli are you-“

“Please…please don’t touch me…” Oli pleaded as he coughed a few times.

Making a face, Vic held her instead. “Is there anything we can do?”

Crouching down, Oli was gasping for breath, a pained expression on his face, and Kellin didn’t know if touching him would help or hurt. “No, I think it was just overwhelming. I’ll take him home…”

“-No…I mean…I don’t want to ruin Rachel’s shower,” Oli moaned, trying to wipe at the tears.

“Oli it’s alright. The shower is almost over anyway,” Rachel soothed. “Go home and take a break, and we’ll check on you guys later.”

“Rachel’s right baby. C’mon,” Kellin tried, slowly putting a hand around Oli’s shoulder and making sure he had Luna.

Vic turned to the door. “I’ll grab the rest of your things…”

Shuffling to the car, Rachel and Vic met them there, and Kellin got him and Luna settled on the passenger seat. Vic put their thank-you bag in the back and gave them a somber goodbye, Rachel thanking them again for all their help.

The drive home was long and awful, Oli silent and shaking, using Luna to slowly, incrementally , the dog doing her best to bring him back from a panic attack. Once home, Kellin immediately went to action, letting the dogs out and drawing up a warm bath for Oli, who was so quiet, Kellin wasn’t sure he would ever dare to speak again. After the bath, which Kellin sat with him for, he helped Oli into some soft clothes and one of his own hoodies, the rain having turned freezing as the sun sank, and big fat wet flakes fell in the darkness.

“C’mon…let’s get you to bed,” Kellin ushered, getting Oli under the thick comforter with him, despite the fact that Kellin was starving.

As if just realizing that Kellin was there, looked up to him as he blinked, his eyes then swelling with tears. “I hate this…I’m such a fookin’ wreck…”

Heart breaking at how much Oli was beating himself up over this, he ran a hand down his boyfriend’s upper arm. “shhhhh. You’re not a wreck-“

“-Yes I am!” Oli desperately cried. “It was supposed to be such a nice day for Rachel and Vic, and I…ruined it. What if I can’t do this Kellin? What if I never get better?”

“Oli…”Kellin looked at him seriously. “Hey, look at me. I know it’s only been a few months, but you’re making amazing progress, and I am so proud of you, every day. Today was just a step back, and that’s ok. You’re not back at square one. You’re still letting me touch you. Vic and Rachel understand, and I think they’re far more upset about you feeling bad than about anything being wrong with their day. Heck, even without everything that’s happened, it could have happened to you anyway. Remember the time we went to the Linkin Park concert? I know crowds aren’t for you. Rachel and Vic know it too. And tomorrow, and the next day are going to be better. I promise. This was just a little stumble, but baby I’m right here to catch you.”

Wet hazel eyes looked up to him and Oli tried to clear his throat. “I…how can-“

“-if you’re about to ask me how I can stay with you, I want you to think about everything we’ve been through. All the shit…your depression, your dad…my dad…that first year at college…and we’re still going. I’m still here. I’ll always be here. This is just a bump in the road.” Looking at him with finality, Kellin then leaned up and kissed his forehead. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but one day, everything will be ok.” Oli looked mostly convinced, but Kellin finished, singing softly.

_It's two in the morning, Can't seem to find the words for a song, I remember my dreams and how fun they seem, I can't believe how far we have come…_

The following morning, Oli woke up to a world of white outside the huge windows of their master bedroom, and a headache that usually occurred if he fell asleep crying. In a rare move, Kellin was already out of bed, but Luna was still snuggled with him in the warmth, and he petted her soft fur, the act calming him. His brain tried not to think about the painful day before when he had embarrassed Vic, Rachel, and Kellin, along with himself by having a fully fledged panic attack in the shower. Not even Luna had been able to help. Even now he could feel the guests lining up, coming toward him, cornering him, and Oli had felt trapped, unable to move like he had in that attic. He knew the guests didn’t mean him any harm, but his body responded anyway.

“Hey, you’re up…”

Blinking, Oli looked to the door frame and saw Kellin there, Oskar hopping onto the bed as well.

“Think we might have to shovel today. Here I made you some hot cocoa…” Waiting until Oli sat up, Kellin sat next to him with his own mug, passing Oli his ugly green one he had made for him in the pottery class he hated. As much as Kellin hated that mug, Oli adored it, and he tentatively took a sip. It had cooled to a more reasonable temp.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. Didn’t think you were going to go running today…”

Oli shook his head and rested against the pillows. “No. Don’t feel like too much today. I know you wanted to go Christmas shopping…”

“Well with it snowing like it is, why don’t we get our online shopping done?”

Frowning, Oli looked to his adorable boyfriend who’s black hair was still sticking up in places. “Are you sure?”

At this Kellin raised an eyebrow at him. “Well I sure as heck don’t want to drive in this…”

“It’s not because of yesterday is it?”

“Nope. Totally just don’t want to drive in two feet of snow.”

Oli gave him a hard look, but couldn’t tell if Kellin was making an excuse and gave up, sipping his cocoa, thinking again until his phone rang. Seeing it was Rachel, his heart fell. “’ello?”

“Oli? Oh it’s good to hear you hun…”

“er…thanks. What’s up?”

“I just wanted to call and hear how you were doing, and thank-you for yesterday.”

“T-thank me? Rachel-“

“Before you tell me that you ruined my shower, I promise you that you didn’t. Number one, I hate ice breaker games, but one of my sisters insisted. Number two, you actually saved the day.”

At this Oli was so confused. “Saved it? I vomited in the hedges…”

“And after Vic went back in he caught one of the waitresses taking the wallet from my purse. Apparently she had a bunch of other people’s too, and if you hadn’t created a scene, none of us would have known, and been a lot poorer. So really, I know it wasn’t pleasant, but thank you. In a backwards way, you saved my shower.”

Blushing, the elated feelings conflicting with his self-flagellation, Oli sputtered,” Y-you’re welcome…I think.”

Rachel’s higher voice tinkled over the phone, laughing. “So how are you feeling today?”

Lighter? Better? With the new information and a good sleep, yesterday seemed to slide into perspective and he realized that kellin was right. It would get better. “Well, Kellin made me hot cocoa. And I have a headache.”

“Well I hope your headache gets better, but I’m pretty sure your hot boyfriend and chocolate helps…” His eyes tracked to Kellin in the bathroom at her words. “So when are you gonna propose?”

“Rachel…” He lowered his voice. “I don’t know if he’s-“

“Trust me. He’s ready. He’d follow you anywhere Oli. And I know you’re still working on things, but I promise you, Kellin is ready whenever you are.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re getting married.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. I just know Kellin adores you, and I know deep down you fantasize about you both having matching rings…” Dammit. He hated it when she read him so well.

“Oi, I said I’ll think about it.”

“Of course,” her laugh filtered through again. “Anyway, anything Vic and I can do to help after yesterday?”

“Try and convince him that skydiving in the middle of winter is an awful idea?”

“Ha! Good luck. That’s all on you, Kellin, and Mike. I hope you feel better though.”

“Thanks. And thanks for calling. I think it helped.”

“I hope so. I’ll talk to you later ok? And we can get a last few measurements before the big day.”

“Alright. Thanks Rachel.”

“Of course. Ciao.”

Kellin sauntered back in after, having headed to bathroom to give Oli a bit of privacy. “Call alright?” He sipped his cocoa and Oli could see a faint chocolate mustache.

“Yeah. Apparently I stopped a robbery.”

“Oh?” Kellin looked mildly interested, but not as much as he thought.

“Did you know?”

Settling on the bed again, he slid his warm legs under the covers and Oli unconsciously moved closer. “Vic texted me last night after you fell asleep to check on you. He was going to come over and thank you personally because apparently it was ten people whose wallets were almost stolen, but I convinced him that you needed the sleep.”

Setting his empty cocoa mug aside, Oli leaned up and kissed the corner of Kellin’s mouth. “Thank-you.”

“Well I know you had a headache and-“

“No I mean…for talking me down last night, and helping me put things into perspective. Everything is so raw and new. It’s like, there’s my life before Jona found me, and my life after, and they are two distinctly different things. And sometimes I forget that I’ve carried things with me, and that I wasn’t perfect before everything happened. Yesterday just proved that for me.”

Kellin took his hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb soothingly. “Doesn’t mean it won’t get better.”

Oli gave him a small, sleepy smile. “I know. I have you with me.”

The snow that fell that time was the last it would snow in December until four days after Christmas, and two days before the wedding. In that time Kellin and Oli had never been busier. Between holiday Drop Dead sales, preparing for their own holidays, and of course helping Vic and Rachel with the wedding, Oli found he was no longer having night terrors at night, and chalked it up to being run off his feet. Even after Christmas he had to manage a few things at the company, as well as finishing up Rachel’s dress, not to mention be a willing ear to listen as the usually steady girl prepared for one of the biggest days in her life. Rachel’s mother had been irritable about not seeing the dress, and the two were sniping at each other. It put stress on everything, and even Vic came over a day to finish plans for the bachelor party and seemed put out by both Rachel’s mother’s behavior, as well as his own mother who kept remembering things at the last moment to add to the wedding.

By the day of the bachelor party, all of them needed some relaxation.

“Please make sure he doesn’t go splat?” Rachel pleaded as they picked up Vic from his apartment, Mike waiting with Luna in the Jeep.

Kellin gave her an easy grin. “We’ll make sure he’s at the altar in one piece.”

At this Rachel looked to Oli. “Please make sure they both show up?”

Chuckling at Kellin’s indignancy he nodded, curls bouncing against the hood of his winter jacket. “I’ll make sure they’re all thawed, presentable, and in one piece.”

Looking slightly more relieved, the bride to be looked at her groom. “Be careful please? I love you…”

Leaning in, Vic gave her a deep kiss. “I love you too. We’ll be fine. Have fun with your sisters!”

“Love you too. See you tomorrow?”

“I’ll be the sharp looking guy in the tux at the altar with the toasty feet.”

She grinned, kissed him once more, and let him go.

Vic gave a sigh once they were in the Jeep and then perked up. “Alright, let’s get this bachelor party started!” All four boys chatted eagerly on their way to the airport, Mike sitting with Oli in the back, Luna between them as they compared how badly this might go, while the other two who had come up with the brilliant idea, discussed how amazing it would be.

Oli was mostly not looking forward to the tandem-type of the jump, but they had assigned him a nice girl, who didn’t seem to bother his anxiety after having several long training sessions with her.

The day was cold and bright as they pulled into the airport, sun shining off the snow that had fallen two days before and had not yet melted. They had one last briefing, had a thorough safety check of all the equipment, and then loaded into the plane.

Kellin could feel his stomach flip flopping on the way up with nerves, and he was sure Mike was going to puke. Oli looked slightly less green, but Vic was all but jumping from the plane right then with excitement. Down below were small puffy clouds and Michigan farmland. Suddenly they were called to line up, Vic being first, and Kellin watched as he catapulted with his partner, a happy scream tearing from his lips into the frozen air. Kellin looked back to Oli, gave him a reassuring grin, and leapt from the plane with his dark skinned partner, the other man he was strapped to, grinning as the freezing air hit their faces. It was the scariest, most terrifying, awe-inspiring thing he had ever done.

The air whipped past him, and he was glad for the goggles keeping his eyes from watering, he saw Vic below, as if hovering as they both hurled back towards the Earth. His stomach was in his throat, but his heart seemed to fly, grinning, soaking up the moment, and leaving most of the concentration to his partner. The Earth came closer and closer, until the straps pulled and he was suddenly jerked back, their parachute halting their progress with gravity briefly. The small amount of wind pushed them back and forth like a pendulum, and they seemed to hang in the air, no longer plummeting at break-neck speed. Finally, the field came close, and they hit the dirt, Kellin stumbling, but his partner catching him.

He looked up and on the other side of the fallow field Vic was out of his harness, jumping up and down, excited and shouting with adrenaline. A hysterical, giggling laugh pushed through Kellin’s lips. His legs were shaking. No, all of him was shaking. That had been amazing. Turning, he caught Oli drifting down about 500 yards away, and hoped he enjoyed it as much as Kellin did. He had been surprised that Oli of all people had supported Vic when he’d mentioned skydiving for his bachelor party, but then, Oli was also full of tattoos. Some risks seemed not all that risky to him.

Mike came down last, his towering figure the only one as tall as Oli. A van was waiting for them at the edge of the field, and on shaking legs, Kellin met up with Vic first, as they chattered with their jump partners. Vic’s grin was very wide.

“Was that not the best thing ever?!”

Kellin grinned back to his best friend. “Yeah, alright. You win. It was pretty amazing…”

“Yeah, good thing I have Oli in my corner. He was the only one crazy enough to support it…”

Oli, joining them as they shuffled to the van, just beamed, his eyes alive and bright in a way Kellin had not seen in some time. “Well, I can say that’s the highest I’ve ever been outside a plane…”

“Did…did you just make a pun?”

Grinning back, Oli simply unclipped his equipment, and said nothing. In the biting cold, Kellin felt himself blush, Oli’s smile making him very warm indeed. He was sure Oli didn’t feel it at the moment, but Kellin wished he could tell his boyfriend how attractive his smile was, and how much Kellin missed the nights and sometimes mornings they spent tangled in each other’s limbs, becoming their favorite two headed beast. Everything had been subdued after Oli was raped, but Kellin never stopped loving the taller in every way possible, including physically. Since beginning to kiss again, that desire had been reawakened, leaving Kellin the occasional cold shower, and hiding those impulses, not wanting to make Oli feel uncomfortable at any time. His boyfriend needed love and support, not to be treated like a rabbit.

But now that he had seen it, he couldn’t unsee it.

For the bachelor party, Vic had rented a cottage on the waterfront, all done up for the occasion, and they cleaned and warmed up before heading to a meadery for an upscale dinner and mead tasting. In the soft glow of the lights in the meadery Oli’s hazel eyes all but sparkled. Long lashes shadowed his cutting cheeks, and his deft fingers held his veggie burger, soft lips sipping at a pale hard cider, and Kellin couldn’t help but stare at times.

For his own part, Vic, thoroughly enjoyed the flight of meads, Kellin sticking to a dark amber one, it tasting like an interesting but sweet wine. They had scratch made sandwiches that paired with their drinks, and the buffalo wings were excellent too, Oli nibbling the carrots and celery that came with them.

Once back at the cottage, Mario Kart and board games were played into the night, laughter and grins all around, until they finally went to bed, knowing the next day would be very long indeed. Kellin lay with Oli under the quilts in one of the rooms, running a hand through the curls until Oli turned to face him.

“Kells?” the soft voice asked into the darkness, Kellin letting his hand drift to Oli’s hip.

“Yes?”

The hazel eyes watched him, catching just a touch of light from the hallway. “You kept staring at me during the party. Are you ok?”

A sad smile slipped onto Kellin’s face, his voice cautious. “Yeah. I just…was admiring you.”

“Admiring me…?”

“Yeah. You’re gorgeous and I…just miss you sometimes…” he shrugs helplessly. “Not that I want you to feel any pressure at all-“

“You mean…you’re still attracted to me? After…everything…?”

“Oli…” Taking a hand, reaches up to smooth it down the side of his face. “I’m still in love with every inch of you…from your soft curls, this gorgeous face…I sometimes look at it and can’t believe you’re with me still. Your lips…which fit perfectly with mine if I do say so myself…” His fingers trailed down to his neck. “Your perfect skin…beautiful tattoos…your whole body…your brilliant mind…your courageous heart…and I know you’re not ready yet. But you should know how attracted I am to you. Always will be.”

Even in the dim light, he could see how shocked Oli was, as if the idea that Kellin was physically (as well has mentally and spiritually) attracted to him, blew his mind. To cement it, the dark-haired boy closed the space between them, and kissed Oli, soft and sweet. “Go to sleep. Long day tomorrow.” He rested his head on Oli’s shoulder, keeping him warm as the other held him close, and drifted off, his boyfriend’s gentle scent caressing his nostrils.

Oli stared at the dress before him, tilting his head, and then with a needle and thread, stitched the tiny bit of white satin that had popped loose and then grinned at one of his best friends. “Perfect.”

The petite girl grinned back. “Thanks. Are they almost done seating everyone?”

Poking his head out the door of the small room, soon brought it back in. “Just about. We have a minute or two and your dad and sisters should be here.”

Rachel looked to him, her gorgeous face all done up, and her hair, a myriad of colors to match her dress pulled partly up, a small veil behind. She truly was a picture of goodness and beauty. “Good. I’m so ready to be married.”

At this, Oli chuckled. Rachel and Vic had been together as long as he knew them, and fit together like peas in a pod. “I feel like you two already are, in every sense but on paper.”

She smiled back, dazzling. “Yeah, but I’m ready for it to be official. You feeling ok for the crowd today?”

Looking down, Oli, remembered Kellin’s words from the night before. “Yeah…”

“Oh no, you’re blushing. Did something happen at the bachelor party?”

Thinking of how to phrase the words, the tall man said slowly. “I think…since this summer, I just assumed that while Kellin was dedicated to staying with me…he would never really be…attracted ever again.”

“Oh Oli…you know that’s not true. Kellin loves every bit of you-“

“-I know that now. I just…I thought I was too manky for him after…after I was raped. Like he might love me…but not in the same way. But last night…he made it clear that he does. And to my own surprise, while my feelings have slept, they have not changed.”

“Of course not. You know I always think it’s funny how everyone says how Vic and I were made for each other, and maybe we are. But you and Kellin…maybe you don’t fit like a glove like me and Vic, but your devotion…your love. It’s amazing Oli. Really. I don’t think there’s a stronger bond on earth, than yours and Kellin’s. It overcomes anything.”

Blushing, goes to say something, when Rachel’s father comes in. The tall man looked as though he were trying not to cry as he took his daughter’s hand. “Just about ready…”

Oli’s retort died on his lips and he gave her a soft smile. “See you at the altar.”

With a final wave from Rachel, he headed out to find Kellin talking to Vic at the altar and adjusting his tie, taking his spot between Kellin and Mike.

“Hey baby, Rachel ready?”

“Heck with Rachel, I feel like I’ve sweat half my body weight…” Vic said nervously. “She’s definitely coming down that aisle, right? No cold feet?”

Giving him a soft smile, Oli reassured, “If her feet were any hotter, they would be on fire.”

This seemed to mollify Vic, and several moments later, the huge organ of the grand church started, and one by one, the sisters were lead down in bright multicolored dresses. Finally, with Vic watching in awe, Rachel was lead down the aisle by her father. The pastor asked who was giving her away, and then handed his daughter over to Victor. From his vantage point of behind Kellin’s shoulder, Oli watched as Vic did his best not to cry, Rachel beaming and strong for the both of them, reading the passages, saying their vows, exchanging the rings, and finally kissing to the clapping and cheering of everyone in the church. With the bells ringing, they came down the aisle, greetings everyone at the end. Snow was flaking gently down as Rachel was wrapped in a white faux fur cloak Oli had designed to go over her dress for the weather. The new couple descended the marble steps of the church with everyone lighting sparklers to see them off. Oli got into the limo with Arianna, his female counterpart but sat next to Kellin.

Champagne was popped and the limo took them to several different locations for pictures, including the beach, their high school where they started dating, and their favorite park near home. They arrived at the grove for their reception, and the property was all done up in lights against the snow gently falling. In pairs they made their entrance and were introduced, and sat at the head table. Oli was so glad to have Kellin next to him again. They were served a delicious dinner, and then the dancing began.

Vic headed to the dance floor, lights hanging everywhere with rainbows of flowers, and held his hands up for Rachel. The first dance had been something Vic had claimed to be in charge of, Mike and a few cousins helping him write and record a song. An acoustic guitar started up, and Vic held Rachel close, the rest of the world falling away as they slowly twirled.

_As we wake up in your room, Your face is the first thing I see, The first time I've seen love, And the last I'll ever need, You remind her that your future, Will be nothing without her, Never lose her, I'm afraid, Better think of something good to say, But its all been done more than once, I'll keep on trying, Oh god don't let me be the only one who says, No, at the top of our lungs there's no, No, such thing as too young, Second chances won't leave you alone, Then there's faith in love…_

Watching them, listening to the song, Oli reached, quietly taking Kellin’s hand, only to have the depthless blue eyes turn to him, and give a squeeze back. As he looked into the sapphires of perfection, there suddenly seemed to be nothing between them, nothing holding his love back; not his fear, kellin’s worry, his soiled body, his past, everything he had gone through. All of it disappeared, and it was just him and Kellin, nothing to stop them from being in love, and intertwining their souls together forever.

If anyone asked him how the dancing and cake was, Oli couldn’t have told them. He couldn’t properly recall how the lovely couple had enjoyed themselves, mike accidentally knocking several old ladies with his wild dancing, or even the several minutes of fireworks that were set off as the happy couple went out to their limo, to head to the airport that would take them to the Bahamas. He was lost in Kellin the rest of the night. His boyfriend seemed to sense this, as once they were at the hotel for the night, the dogs comfortable at Kellin’s mother’s, he only spoke one question. “Are you sure?”

To answer, Oli approached him, and taking him in his arms, kissed him, trying to convey how much he loved the other being. It was impossible though. There were no words, deeds, or actions that could convey the bottomless amount of love Oli had for Kellin. Every molecule of DNA, every fiber of his being, all of it wanted Kellin.

Of course, Kellin obliged. His gentle hands did not pull or push, but caressed, divested Oli and himself from the troublesome clothes, and held him gently as he was laid onto the bed. The blue eyes captured him, and he gave soft little moans as gentle kisses were pressed to his skin, down the ink of his body, cleansing every inch, until nothing remained except Kellin’s goodness. His own long fingers found the silky black hair, and then the nape of a neck, their memory of such things coming back as Kellin’s own fingers slid to Oli’s backside. With a gentleness that surprised even Oli, he prepped the taller boy, Oli lost in the sweet sensations, and not feeling scared at all. Soon enough, Kellin was in and Oli kept his mouth occupied, the other boy bringing him such pleasure, trampling over the bad and soiled memories. Like a car crash, it seemed to be over all too soon, and Oli lay panting in Kellin’s arms, the other boy holding him lazily in the afterglow.

“I didn’t scare you did I?” the higher, melodic voice asked him.

Oli shook his head and pressed a kiss to Kellin’s nose. “No, I wasn’t scared at all love…”

Brightening at the old moniker, Kellin smiled softly, adoration in his eyes. “Good. Because I hope that felt as amazing for you as it was for me.”

“It feels like I’ve been made new. Like…I’ve shed some terrible skin, and now I’m new and clean and yours again.”

Tugging him a bit closer, Kellin looked directly into his eyes. “You’ve always been mine…and I’ve always been yours. It’s always been, and always will be, just you and me…”

Feeling solidified, Oli kissed him softly, this time on the lips and allowed his body to relax, and his eyes slip shut, body held by Kellin’s strong arms. He was safe, loved, and content again.

Kellin looked out the window as the never ending landscape flew by. It truly was desolate, a barren desert dotted by scrub, plateaus, and the occasional mountains. But the sky seemed ginormous, as if it stretched on forever, leaving him, and the rented RV around him, feeling very small.

“Anything good out there?” a lower voice interrupted them, and his boyfriend took a seat at the table with him. His hair seemed almost tame in the dry air, and his smiling hazel eyes still made Kellin’s heart skip a beat.

“Just desert. Saw a sign for flagstaff. We should be around Sedona by late afternoon though I think…”

“That’s good. It’s so lovely out here…”

“Seriously? You like desolate…desert?”

Deft fingers began playing with a deck of cards as he looked out the large window, relaxed, Luna sticking her head on his lap. “It’s so different from what I’ve ever known, both England and Michigan. There’s so many reds, oranges, yellows, and browns. It’s very dramatic.”

Kellin nodded along, looking at the desert out the window with new light. The RV was a smooth ride, and was big enough that Oli and he had some privacy at their window, his mother sitting up front with Jeff. Road trips didn’t hold very much fascination for him, but with Oli along, it was amazing how enjoyable it was. His boyfriend seemed to look at nature differently, with fascination, and it cause Kellin to look at it in the same light.

He watched as Oli set up a game of solitaire. Kellin got up and came back with some potato chips, munching and watching Oli win before they played rummy. During the game, Kellin caught Oli looking out the window several times, a relaxed, gentle smile on his face. In fact, this was the most at ease Kellin had seen him since he started Drop Dead. Jordan was at the helm in their absence, and updated Oli every other day with how things were going. Vic had come back a couple weeks before from the Bahamas, tanner than Kellin had ever seen him, and from the reports seemed to be managing the work load in Kellin’s absence. Everything seemed to be going smoothly to allow them to enjoy their vacation.

Several games of rummy later, and they turned south at flagstaff, finally coming to a large RV campground at Chavez crossing. The sun was low in the afternoon, and Jeff seemed happy to park and stretch his legs.

“We’re just going to take the dogs for a walk to stretch their legs and go pee,” Kellin promised his mother as he hooked the leash on Oskar’s neck.

“Alright be careful. Jeff and I are going to make spaghetti for dinner, so don’t be too long,” she answered, pulling a box of dry noodles from the cupboard.

Shrugging on a light jacket, Kellin headed out, immediately intertwining their fingers as they walked through the quiet campground under the cottonwoods and sycamores.

“It’s so quiet and dry here…”

“Well yeah. That’s kind of what the American southwest is. Lots of open space dotted by the occasional town or city.”

“I like it a lot though,” Oli added, Luna at his side. He bit his lip. “So, what are we doing tomorrow?”

“Well my mom is tired of driving, so I think we’re going to stay around here and relax, and the following day go up to the grand canyon. Why?”

“Would you maybe want to go on a hike with me tomorrow?” Looking at his hazel eyes, Kellin could swear that Oli was a little nervous. But for what? It was just a hike. It wasn’t like he would say no.

“Yeah of course. Where would you like to go?”

“Boynton Canyon?” he answered quickly. “I mean, there’s an energy vortex that I thought we could climb…”

“That sounds cool. Wonder what it’s like in an energy vortex. Does the energy flow through you? Does it make you something new?”

Oli shrugged, coming around the turn back to the RV. “Maybe…”

The smell of jar sauce and boiled noodles hit them as they came back in from the quiet exterior.

“Can you boys grab the plates?” Jeff asked as he poured the drinks.

“Sure,” Oli seemed to jump on it, as if wanting for something to do. Despite being jar sauce, it wasn’t too bad, and after dinner they took the dogs for another quick walk in the twilight, the air turning cold, and then showered one by one. Oli was last and found Kellin in bed, reading one of his old beat up books from when they were in high school. Slim arms slipped around his waist, and Kellin looked up from his book with a tiny smile, the smell of Oli’s shampoo wafting to him from his still damp hair. The burned arm curled up at his waist.

“Hey, you sleepy?”

“Sort of? I know we didn’t do anything too physical today, but traveling is tiring in and of itself…trying to absorb everything…”

At that, Kellin gave a yawn and agreed. “Yeah, but just think. We don’t have to worry about anything for another week and a half, and we get to see the grand canyon. I know you’re excited for that.”

Laying his head on his shoulder, Oli’s eyes were far away as he gave a small smile. “Yeah. Grand Canyon. I am pretty excited for it.”

Kellin let the conversation drop as he finished the chapter, Oli at his side, waiting for him to finish as his boyfriend’s free hand gently scratched his back in a lazy manner. Upon completion, Kellin dog-earred the book and set it on the night stand, and turned the lamp off. He could hear Jeff snoring with his mother in one of the other beds. Oli shifted a bit closer, and Kellin got comfortable, the back of his mind surprised that he was the first to drop off into sleep.

Oli, however, was the first to wake. Showered, dressed, and having already taken the dogs for a walk, he appeared as kellin shoved some cereal in his mouth, still half asleep at the table.

“It’s chilly out, but already warming up,” Oli encouraged, fussing about and feeding the dogs. Kellin loved him dearly, but still couldn’t figure out how anyone could just get right up in the morning. “I’ll get a jumper out for you…” Surely Oli looked like he was moving so quickly because Kellin was moving so slow?

Cereal, some fruit, and a cup of coffee later, and Kellin was lacing up his hiking boots and reassuring his mother that his phone was charged and he had it on him. Loping out the door with his backpack, the dry air settled in his lungs, and he coughed a few times as he took Oskar’s leash from Oli.

“You alright love?”

“Yeah…just dry air and all.”

Oli made a non-committal noise. “Yes, but it feels so good. I really do love it here. We should come back on our own sometime.”

Taking his hand, Kellin headed up toward the trail head. “Yeah…just the two of us. We could come stay at one of the resorts.”

“I’ve never been to one. Are they any good?”

The dark haired boy nodded. “Rachel has been to a couple with her family. She says they’re really relaxing. You can get a massage, mud bath, whatever.”

“Mud bath? That almost sounds fun. Maybe they can help the scars on my arm…”

Kellin didn’t like remembering that night. “Maybe. I bet they have all different skin treatments. I think there’s a famous resort by the trail. We can stop for a bite to eat on the way back.”

The taller boy shot him a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “That sounds nice.”

The trail started off the road, and with it being morning in February, was not busy. The red rocks towered over and under, hanging gardens splashing them with color. Pinyon pine and Arizona sycamore stood tall in the valley, with pockets of creosote and cholla cacti clinging to the bright cliffsides which seemed to spring up from the Earth with ancient magic. As they turned off the main trail to climb to the view, Kellin could feel the hair on his arms stand on end. Maybe the magic and energy of the vortex was true. It made him feel sharp, his muscles hardening, as if waiting for something important. Oli seemed to mirror this, his shoulders tense as he climbed on long legs ahead with Luna.

Finally, they came to the end of a spine, and could see where other hikers had climbed up on the flat top to feel the vortex. Following the dirt, Oli climbs up and sat, Kellin next to him while the dogs laid down to relax in the morning sun. Looking out at the scenery, he then looked to Oli, and could tell he was trying to say something.

“What is it?”

“I…It’s beautiful here,” he said lamely, his face giving away that he was embarrassed by his mundane answer.

“Yeah. I can tell you really like it…”

“I think…I also like it because you’re here.”

At that Kellin chuckled. “Well I like it more because you’re here too.”

Oli’s face concentrated again, as if trying to form the right words in his blood. “I like everywhere more when I’m with you. I like this whole life more with you. No, I love this life with you. And…I can’t imagine you without it.” Kellin wanted to agree, touched at the words, but could tell Oli wanted to continue. “We’ve been through so much, from both of us almost dying….kidnapped…college…new job…my…rape…all of it I made it through, because I knew I had you. And…I always want to have you. I don’t want to spend a day on this Earth without your blue eyes to look at, your body to hold, your love to feel, your voice to hear. I…I…” He took a deep breath and sang softly.

_That little kiss you stole, It held my heart and soul, And like a deer in the headlights I meet my fate, Don't try to fight the storm, You'll tumble overboard, Tides will bring me back to you_

Kellin hadn’t heard him in so long, singing with that gorgeous low voice, that he almost didn’t believe it at first, until a few happy tears slipped from his eyes.

“I love you more than anything Kellin Quinn. And I promise, for the rest of my life, to make sure you know it. I promise to spend the rest of my life, waking up next to you, choosing you every day. I want to be with you, until death pulls us both under, and even then, they will bury us together. I want to give you all the things you want in life. And I promise…I will always love you forever. Please marry me?”

At some point during his monologue, Oli had produced a box and a crown of silk flowers. He placed the flowers on the crown of Kellin’s head, and opened the velvet box to reveal a white gold ring, inlaid with roses to make a perfectly unique piece. Hands shaking, Kellin took the box, and found he was unable to stop grinning. “Yes. Oh my God. Yes!” He leaped forward and tackled Oli, kissing him all over, his boy- no fiancé! Grinning as well and laughing. Breathless he sat up.

“You beat me to it…” Brightening with an idea, he took his crown off and placed it on Oli’s head. “This is close enough to a ring. Will you marry me?”

Hazel eyes the happiest Kellin had ever seen them, Oli just kissed him, breathing into him.

“Forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Glad to be back. I've been reading non-stop for the past year, and suddenly the switch clicked inside and all I wanted to do was write. So with only the pressure of myself I finished this piece and plan on two more installments to finish this series. Enjoy. Or don't. IDGAF.


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